maybe quit smoking.
drink less.
be nice to people.
change the world.
12.31.2008
12.30.2008
12.29.2008
ruckus
recently i've had the urge to start a ruckus. i just want to start shit. nothing extremist, nothing illegal, just a regular ruckus.
when i checked ruckus to see if i was spelling and using it correctly, this is what my dictionary told me it meant..... weird.
when i checked ruckus to see if i was spelling and using it correctly, this is what my dictionary told me it meant..... weird.
12.27.2008
smart
i'm not sure why i went to college. i guess i learned some stuff about stuff. i also made a few friends or something. but really, all the education i needed i could have gotten from the original 90210.
not only have i learned how to study for things like SATs and how to get A+ on tests, or even how to successfully run a school newspaper i've also learned a lot of street smarts.
it's tots not that hard to save someone who is drunk from drowning in the ocean, and AA is a great place to meet hot babes. i've learned that betting is a dark road and even the most virtuous people can get caught in the addictive trap. eating disorders are no laughing matter and even if you want to stop going to the meetings, you have to because everyone has problems and you can learn a lot from theirs too.
sometimes you have to be the bigger person and let your bff take your ex-bf. if you have an energy crystal around your neck, nothing can stop you. also, if your dad dies... write a book!
if you want to break into the music industry, all you have to do is get one of your loaded high school friends to represent you and chances are, one of the biggest producers in the biz will produce you. you'll have to sell your soul and fire your bud - but hey! you're famous!
also, you don't have to have sex with your significant other. sometimes god is more important, and sometimes even if you do have sex, you'll have a pregnancy scare duh, but it'll tots be fine if you tell your parents about it!
overall, all you really need are friends. it's the best idea to sleep with all of them at some point. even if you can't get down their pants, at least love them from afar for three years. you'll all stay friends and hang out in the hallways during class every day.
last but not least, even if you're 31 years old you can for sure be valedictorian.
not only have i learned how to study for things like SATs and how to get A+ on tests, or even how to successfully run a school newspaper i've also learned a lot of street smarts.
it's tots not that hard to save someone who is drunk from drowning in the ocean, and AA is a great place to meet hot babes. i've learned that betting is a dark road and even the most virtuous people can get caught in the addictive trap. eating disorders are no laughing matter and even if you want to stop going to the meetings, you have to because everyone has problems and you can learn a lot from theirs too.
sometimes you have to be the bigger person and let your bff take your ex-bf. if you have an energy crystal around your neck, nothing can stop you. also, if your dad dies... write a book!
if you want to break into the music industry, all you have to do is get one of your loaded high school friends to represent you and chances are, one of the biggest producers in the biz will produce you. you'll have to sell your soul and fire your bud - but hey! you're famous!
also, you don't have to have sex with your significant other. sometimes god is more important, and sometimes even if you do have sex, you'll have a pregnancy scare duh, but it'll tots be fine if you tell your parents about it!
overall, all you really need are friends. it's the best idea to sleep with all of them at some point. even if you can't get down their pants, at least love them from afar for three years. you'll all stay friends and hang out in the hallways during class every day.
last but not least, even if you're 31 years old you can for sure be valedictorian.
12.24.2008
fa la la la la
im in chicago. i won't be eating taco salad with my five nephews and new niece. i won't be receiving hickery farm cheese boxes at the lottinville family christmas party.
i'll probably order pizza, watch old episodes of 90210 and drink left over wine.
happy fucking holidays.
i'll probably order pizza, watch old episodes of 90210 and drink left over wine.
happy fucking holidays.
12.21.2008
12.18.2008
homaha
i'll be going back to my roots soon. sometimes i reminisce about times when i was young, getting in trouble, thinking i knew shit about shit and i think it'd be nice to live there again.
then i get sucked back into reality with facespace. i look at my friends and get jealous of their escapades. then i look at the other kids. the ones that still call each other fags in a non-ironic sort of way. the ones that are still hanging out in the same basements with the same people since 7th grade.
it's sad to see how insecure a lot of those people still are. i guess i would be too if i was in the same situation i was five years ago. i have trouble getting over that shit 472 miles away.
omaha has some good qualities - but open-mindedness isn't one of them. traveling the world can give you some insight into bigger things, but if you just go back to where you started what good is it besides drink conversation and a more exotic facespace profile?
i probably don't give these kids enough credit, and maybe my world view is skewed... but fuck. grow up.
then i get sucked back into reality with facespace. i look at my friends and get jealous of their escapades. then i look at the other kids. the ones that still call each other fags in a non-ironic sort of way. the ones that are still hanging out in the same basements with the same people since 7th grade.
it's sad to see how insecure a lot of those people still are. i guess i would be too if i was in the same situation i was five years ago. i have trouble getting over that shit 472 miles away.
omaha has some good qualities - but open-mindedness isn't one of them. traveling the world can give you some insight into bigger things, but if you just go back to where you started what good is it besides drink conversation and a more exotic facespace profile?
i probably don't give these kids enough credit, and maybe my world view is skewed... but fuck. grow up.
12.15.2008
12.14.2008
12.09.2008
throw away the key
i feel like i'm slowly going insane, yet everything is getting clearer. by doing nothing i've begun to feel i'm consistently getting closer to my goal. i've had deja vu more in the past month than ever before. this could be linked to increased insanity - but i'd prefer to believe this signifies my life heading in the right direction.
i might be building to something monumental, steadily trudging a path to significance. my problem, however, is apathy. there isn't much of anything i care strongly about other than cigarettes, my hair and who wants to drink with me. those are surely signs of decay.
maybe, it all comes down to the fact i feel something is going to happen. different obscure pieces of my life are coming into focus and weaving this logical web i can't help but recognize. by sitting back watching and waiting i believe the solution will present itself.
i have a fire and however misdirected it can be right now, it's there - eventually i'll get the final piece to this puzzle and decoupage that shit into a frame.
i might be building to something monumental, steadily trudging a path to significance. my problem, however, is apathy. there isn't much of anything i care strongly about other than cigarettes, my hair and who wants to drink with me. those are surely signs of decay.
maybe, it all comes down to the fact i feel something is going to happen. different obscure pieces of my life are coming into focus and weaving this logical web i can't help but recognize. by sitting back watching and waiting i believe the solution will present itself.
i have a fire and however misdirected it can be right now, it's there - eventually i'll get the final piece to this puzzle and decoupage that shit into a frame.
12.06.2008
12.05.2008
pussy
i remember when my baby looked like this and i thought i loved him a lot then. that was when he was nice and sweet and didnt understand the world yet. before he go distant and secluded and angry. im probably a bad dad. but i love him.
12.04.2008
12.01.2008
rock city
i love detroit.
after a full night at a bar with people i didn't know or care to know we pulled up to a huge industrial warehouse. we walked through the back door and were shuffled into a huge elevator destined for funk night. we rock starred it to the front of the line, made our way to the back of the party where $10 got you a cup of whiskey and a ganga cookie.
after consuming both, it was time to dance. amid a dj, huge projections and an eclectic crowd - we danced. we danced until 6 am. we had our pictures taken on the dance floor and took breaks in a private back room.
the people were fun, looked interesting, were welcoming and actually danced. chicago this was not. no one was segregated, no one gave dirty looks and no one tried to be hipper than the next person.
basically, it was every stereotypical thought i've ever had about detroit and it's awesomeness rolled into one experience.
it probably felt a lot cooler than it actually was, but... the feeling is what makes the experience anyway. i felt at home.
after a full night at a bar with people i didn't know or care to know we pulled up to a huge industrial warehouse. we walked through the back door and were shuffled into a huge elevator destined for funk night. we rock starred it to the front of the line, made our way to the back of the party where $10 got you a cup of whiskey and a ganga cookie.
after consuming both, it was time to dance. amid a dj, huge projections and an eclectic crowd - we danced. we danced until 6 am. we had our pictures taken on the dance floor and took breaks in a private back room.
the people were fun, looked interesting, were welcoming and actually danced. chicago this was not. no one was segregated, no one gave dirty looks and no one tried to be hipper than the next person.
basically, it was every stereotypical thought i've ever had about detroit and it's awesomeness rolled into one experience.
it probably felt a lot cooler than it actually was, but... the feeling is what makes the experience anyway. i felt at home.
11.26.2008
bed
sometimes i lay in bed and wonder why i drank so much the night before.
sometimes i lay in bed dreading doing what im supposed to.
sometimes i lay in bed all day accomplishing nothing.
sometimes i lay in bed and eat.
sometimes i lay in bed and watch stylista on cwtv.com
sometimes i lay in bed and watch porn.
sometimes i lay in bed and don't need to watch porn.
sometimes i lay in bed and creep people i barely know on facebook.
sometimes i lay in bed and cuddle.
sometimes i lay in bed and laugh.
sometimes i lay in bed and cry.
sometimes i lay in bed and smoke.
sometimes i lay in bed and cut my fingernails.
sometimes i lay in bed and blog.
sometimes i lay in bed dreading doing what im supposed to.
sometimes i lay in bed all day accomplishing nothing.
sometimes i lay in bed and eat.
sometimes i lay in bed and watch stylista on cwtv.com
sometimes i lay in bed and watch porn.
sometimes i lay in bed and don't need to watch porn.
sometimes i lay in bed and creep people i barely know on facebook.
sometimes i lay in bed and cuddle.
sometimes i lay in bed and laugh.
sometimes i lay in bed and cry.
sometimes i lay in bed and smoke.
sometimes i lay in bed and cut my fingernails.
sometimes i lay in bed and blog.
11.24.2008
free night
everyone enjoys free. most of the time you have to make free happen for you, other times it comes to you.
friday night started out like any other weekend night, playing edward 40 hands with some of your closest girl friends. i quickly got drunk and sick of sitting around, so a few of us wandered off to a bar. seeing as it's winter time, it was too cold to walk and no one wanted to spend money. we decided to flag down the fateful cab.
i told the cab driver my female friend would show him her boobs if he'd drive us down the street. he told us he didn't need to see the boobs and took us anyway. we were so grateful.
as we entered the bar, before cover happened, brad pulled out a blackberry. he found this in the cab and while we talked about what to do with it - it rang. oddly enough, bradley was on the other line. he inquired as to who i was and where i was and if he could get his phone back. since i'm a nice person i told him to come 'n get it. as the conversation ended he promised, 'the next martini is on me!'
when he got there he was completely wasted and i informed him no one drinks martinis. he bought us all a round of rum and cokes while marveling at how awesome it was he got his phone back and how incredible it was that we were nice enough to give it back. on that note, i made him buy us more drinks. he was so drunk he couldn't sign the bill. i started ignoring him and he finally ghosted. maybe i took advantage of him, but i mean - i could have gotten some $$$ for that phone. and he probably lost it again on the ride home.
then we got a free ride home from my ex-boyfriend. idiot.
friday night started out like any other weekend night, playing edward 40 hands with some of your closest girl friends. i quickly got drunk and sick of sitting around, so a few of us wandered off to a bar. seeing as it's winter time, it was too cold to walk and no one wanted to spend money. we decided to flag down the fateful cab.
i told the cab driver my female friend would show him her boobs if he'd drive us down the street. he told us he didn't need to see the boobs and took us anyway. we were so grateful.
as we entered the bar, before cover happened, brad pulled out a blackberry. he found this in the cab and while we talked about what to do with it - it rang. oddly enough, bradley was on the other line. he inquired as to who i was and where i was and if he could get his phone back. since i'm a nice person i told him to come 'n get it. as the conversation ended he promised, 'the next martini is on me!'
when he got there he was completely wasted and i informed him no one drinks martinis. he bought us all a round of rum and cokes while marveling at how awesome it was he got his phone back and how incredible it was that we were nice enough to give it back. on that note, i made him buy us more drinks. he was so drunk he couldn't sign the bill. i started ignoring him and he finally ghosted. maybe i took advantage of him, but i mean - i could have gotten some $$$ for that phone. and he probably lost it again on the ride home.
then we got a free ride home from my ex-boyfriend. idiot.
11.22.2008
11.19.2008
11.17.2008
crazy/beautiful
i ate lunch at a bar and drank a pitcher of beer. in my unstable emotional/mental state - this was a bad idea.
i went home, took off all my clothes and climbed under the covers in a depressive state. i know, im crazy.
the next thing i know, brad clammers into the room, blasting fergalicious, while wearing only a kurta and hot pink wig. he was also carrying a retractable knife which he used in his interpretive dance.
i then realized, im not the crazy one.
i went home, took off all my clothes and climbed under the covers in a depressive state. i know, im crazy.
the next thing i know, brad clammers into the room, blasting fergalicious, while wearing only a kurta and hot pink wig. he was also carrying a retractable knife which he used in his interpretive dance.
i then realized, im not the crazy one.
11.16.2008
infinite
five o'clock p.m. means nothing when you're unemployed. but on friday night, it signified the beginning of my own infinite playlist. roomie busted into my room with the adventure of traveling to madison for just one night. to see a band. from that second on, everything fell in and out of place perfectly.
we all piled into the car destined for downtown chicago, st. charles and finally the high noon saloon. we got lost on our way to st. charles and it set us back an hour. we finally made it to the suburban hell and successfully accomplished an escape from the beige prison. then we got lost again.
when the bright lights of the capital building finally came into view, we knew we'd made it. we downed a few drinks and prepared to dance. in a mix of hello kitty teenagers and western wear 40 year olds, we were the most important people in the room. i excelled at a dance off with a leather wearing spaz created and judged completely in my own head.
as we dramatically exited the dance floor the band called in the distance, 'hey! where did those kids go?' it was our time.
the night blurred with malibu rum, mom made jello shots and hot tub disney songs.
as we drove back at five in the morning to insure our friend was able to wheel dead bodies around, i felt like a pretend human. but, as the sun rose, i felt alive.
we all piled into the car destined for downtown chicago, st. charles and finally the high noon saloon. we got lost on our way to st. charles and it set us back an hour. we finally made it to the suburban hell and successfully accomplished an escape from the beige prison. then we got lost again.
when the bright lights of the capital building finally came into view, we knew we'd made it. we downed a few drinks and prepared to dance. in a mix of hello kitty teenagers and western wear 40 year olds, we were the most important people in the room. i excelled at a dance off with a leather wearing spaz created and judged completely in my own head.
as we dramatically exited the dance floor the band called in the distance, 'hey! where did those kids go?' it was our time.
the night blurred with malibu rum, mom made jello shots and hot tub disney songs.
as we drove back at five in the morning to insure our friend was able to wheel dead bodies around, i felt like a pretend human. but, as the sun rose, i felt alive.
11.13.2008
new beginnings
now that i'm back, i will prolong the job search by crafting. since my halloween costumes were such a success, and i loved them - i decided to finally get the hobby i've been talking about.
the kentucky democratic party was nice enough to allow me to steal a canvas bag. i'm getting artsy on it's ass. i'm also getting retro on it's ass.
maybe instead of getting a real job, i'll craft for dollarz. i will do hoodie halloween costumes and retro canvas bags.
man. i'm soo hip.
the kentucky democratic party was nice enough to allow me to steal a canvas bag. i'm getting artsy on it's ass. i'm also getting retro on it's ass.
maybe instead of getting a real job, i'll craft for dollarz. i will do hoodie halloween costumes and retro canvas bags.
man. i'm soo hip.
11.07.2008
11.06.2008
done
tomorrow is my last day in kentucky. i must say, i'm sad. it's been a great experience and i've met a lot of great people i never would have had the opportunity to. some of them i wish i hadn't, but for the most part it was good.
miss class has become my best friend and i don't think i'll be the same without her in my life 24/7. thank god for video chat. i also promised her this - kentucky is not as hick as i've made it sound. well.... parts of it are, but the part that i lived in was not hick at all. it was right across the river from cincinnati and was basically cincinnati. cincinnati is kind of ghetto - but i swear this area is nice.
it was nice to slow down from chicago. to work hard on something that had the potential to make a difference was really rewarding. too bad we lost. kentucky is backwoods, i guess that wasn't a surprise to anyone but us.
i'll be back to the windy city on saturday. there is no future set in stone. let's see where i go next.
miss class has become my best friend and i don't think i'll be the same without her in my life 24/7. thank god for video chat. i also promised her this - kentucky is not as hick as i've made it sound. well.... parts of it are, but the part that i lived in was not hick at all. it was right across the river from cincinnati and was basically cincinnati. cincinnati is kind of ghetto - but i swear this area is nice.
it was nice to slow down from chicago. to work hard on something that had the potential to make a difference was really rewarding. too bad we lost. kentucky is backwoods, i guess that wasn't a surprise to anyone but us.
i'll be back to the windy city on saturday. there is no future set in stone. let's see where i go next.
11.03.2008
true
after romping in the kentucky woods for a bit, i walked back to the car. mind you, this is the sticks..
i saw/heard a chunky child (sans shirt) scream in a southern accent, "BILLFORD! can i use your blue-tooth?!"
answered with, "NO!"
followed by, "PLEEAAAAAAASE!"
maybe you had to be there - priceless.
i saw/heard a chunky child (sans shirt) scream in a southern accent, "BILLFORD! can i use your blue-tooth?!"
answered with, "NO!"
followed by, "PLEEAAAAAAASE!"
maybe you had to be there - priceless.
11.01.2008
10.31.2008
10.30.2008
10.29.2008
10.28.2008
high horse
people really piss me off. part of my job is to get volunteers for the days before the election. i call people who have said they are in full support of the candidates and can go on and on... and on about them. but the second you ask them to help out, they give you some bull shit excuse or flat out deny. i don't know, if you're so into it, why don't you help make it a reality?
more generally, people seem to be solely out for themselves. anything that will make them look, seem, act, or sound cooler/better than the next person - they will do. this can be at the cost of anyone/thing. why can't people just do things for the common good? or maybe look a little less cool if it conveys truth, honesty or integrity.
the motivators of people are as follows: greed, money, sex, status and self.
that's fucked up.
how about everyone goes out and does something that is completely selfless today? or does something for the good of someone else. or resists manipulating a situation to come out on top.
i don't know, maybe the little annoyances that ruin our days wouldn't happen as often because you wouldn't be sending out all that negative energy, just waiting to come back and fuck you.
more generally, people seem to be solely out for themselves. anything that will make them look, seem, act, or sound cooler/better than the next person - they will do. this can be at the cost of anyone/thing. why can't people just do things for the common good? or maybe look a little less cool if it conveys truth, honesty or integrity.
the motivators of people are as follows: greed, money, sex, status and self.
that's fucked up.
how about everyone goes out and does something that is completely selfless today? or does something for the good of someone else. or resists manipulating a situation to come out on top.
i don't know, maybe the little annoyances that ruin our days wouldn't happen as often because you wouldn't be sending out all that negative energy, just waiting to come back and fuck you.
iq
i'm not a big chocolate fan. when it comes to desserts i typically go fruitier. i don't like chocolate candy much either. candy generally turns me off.
there is one candy that i will forever love. smarties. yea, the consistency is that of chalk. there isn't much taste to them and they aren't as enjoyable to eat as other sweet treats. but there is something about them i can't get enough of.
who didn't put them in empty pill bottles and pretend they were your daily prescription that (had you know what it was) you would have overdosed on? i would hold them between my fingers, slowly nibbling an individual disk. i'd suck on them until they got soft in my mouth. they were my alice in wonderland pills that made me grow taller, smaller and travel on adventures.
i wonder if there's a correlation between enjoying smarties in your youth and a pill habit in adulthood.
whatever, those things were like crack back in the day.
there is one candy that i will forever love. smarties. yea, the consistency is that of chalk. there isn't much taste to them and they aren't as enjoyable to eat as other sweet treats. but there is something about them i can't get enough of.
who didn't put them in empty pill bottles and pretend they were your daily prescription that (had you know what it was) you would have overdosed on? i would hold them between my fingers, slowly nibbling an individual disk. i'd suck on them until they got soft in my mouth. they were my alice in wonderland pills that made me grow taller, smaller and travel on adventures.
i wonder if there's a correlation between enjoying smarties in your youth and a pill habit in adulthood.
whatever, those things were like crack back in the day.
10.26.2008
10.24.2008
narcissism
it's getting cold. that can only mean two things - my fanny pack will be pushed to the back of the closet and tv shows are good.
fall is my favorite season, mostly because it's the time of year that birthed me. thank you ed and marilyn for doing it when the leaves were budding.
fun facts about me:
i was born on halloween.
i was supposed to be born in december - couldn't wait.
i was almost named bowe.
i'm in a book for having a really long umbilical cord.
i was born bowlegged and pigeon toed.
i wore casts and corrective shoes.
my first two teeth to grow in were my vampire teeth - i'll live forever.
i sucked my thumb.
my balls didn't want to drop.
fall is my favorite season, mostly because it's the time of year that birthed me. thank you ed and marilyn for doing it when the leaves were budding.
fun facts about me:
i was born on halloween.
i was supposed to be born in december - couldn't wait.
i was almost named bowe.
i'm in a book for having a really long umbilical cord.
i was born bowlegged and pigeon toed.
i wore casts and corrective shoes.
my first two teeth to grow in were my vampire teeth - i'll live forever.
i sucked my thumb.
my balls didn't want to drop.
10.23.2008
don't pass go
i work across the street from the old county building. there might be a jail in it?
when i go out to smoke a cig, i'll often see people standing on my sidewalk. they are looking up, across the street at the old county building. waving.
i like when friends visit friends.
when i go out to smoke a cig, i'll often see people standing on my sidewalk. they are looking up, across the street at the old county building. waving.
i like when friends visit friends.
10.22.2008
10.21.2008
sonnet
kentucky has consumed me,
maybe it's the insanity setting in.
these four walls and four people are all i ever see,
it's just a matter of time til the loony bin.
republicans are more wack than i thought,
democrats in the country are pretty wack too.
i've never wanted to be political and now i got caught,
lunsford is playing me like a foo.
i've decided to grow a mullet,
newports will be all i smoke.
hopefully something gets lodged in my gullet,
so ultimately i'll choke.
if i let this place seep in anymore,
i'll talk kentucky up like a whore.
* yea, i know it's not correct... i do what i want *
maybe it's the insanity setting in.
these four walls and four people are all i ever see,
it's just a matter of time til the loony bin.
republicans are more wack than i thought,
democrats in the country are pretty wack too.
i've never wanted to be political and now i got caught,
lunsford is playing me like a foo.
i've decided to grow a mullet,
newports will be all i smoke.
hopefully something gets lodged in my gullet,
so ultimately i'll choke.
if i let this place seep in anymore,
i'll talk kentucky up like a whore.
* yea, i know it's not correct... i do what i want *
10.20.2008
hidden similarities
everyone farts, but everyone feels uncomfortable doing it in front of people. we all have those that we can fart in front of, there are more people in my life that feel comfortable doing this around me than i'd like.
beyond farting, the things you do when no one is looking. chances are everyone else is doing the same things. why is it socially unacceptable to be open and upfront about how fucking weird you are?
really, it's not that weird. people think and feel stuff and are too embarrassed to make it known. why is it embarrassing if everyone else is doing it too?
i already pick my nose in public, and then flick the boogers. i'm going to start farting all the time. and saying whatever is on my mind at any moment.
possibly, i'll be considered an outsider. my guess, people will know where i'm coming from.
starting now - i hate most people. you're probably one of them.
beyond farting, the things you do when no one is looking. chances are everyone else is doing the same things. why is it socially unacceptable to be open and upfront about how fucking weird you are?
really, it's not that weird. people think and feel stuff and are too embarrassed to make it known. why is it embarrassing if everyone else is doing it too?
i already pick my nose in public, and then flick the boogers. i'm going to start farting all the time. and saying whatever is on my mind at any moment.
possibly, i'll be considered an outsider. my guess, people will know where i'm coming from.
starting now - i hate most people. you're probably one of them.
10.17.2008
kids
people come into our office constantly to pick up candidate paraphernalia.
today a four year old wandered back to the phone banking room, came directly up to me, fondled my computer and asked me, "are you my old dad?"
i stared blankly. awkwardly.
today a four year old wandered back to the phone banking room, came directly up to me, fondled my computer and asked me, "are you my old dad?"
i stared blankly. awkwardly.
10.16.2008
every minute everyday
i have many addictions. smoking, drinking, porn, sex, drinking, fast food, smoking, drinking, godfrey, drinking.
one of my favorites is stalking people's blogs.
i should give a shout out to kim reed, because most of these people were found directly/indirectly through her blog. kim's blog is right about here ------------------------------------------------------>
i have a few favorites. i'm going to let you all know:
http://dressingthevoid.blogspot.com/
http://tangiblepress.blogspot.com/
http://whatsachiyo.blogspot.com/
http://nevrhadnooneever.blogspot.com/
http://www.natesplate.com/
was that weird?
one of my favorites is stalking people's blogs.
i should give a shout out to kim reed, because most of these people were found directly/indirectly through her blog. kim's blog is right about here ------------------------------------------------------>
i have a few favorites. i'm going to let you all know:
http://dressingthevoid.blogspot.com/
http://tangiblepress.blogspot.com/
http://whatsachiyo.blogspot.com/
http://nevrhadnooneever.blogspot.com/
http://www.natesplate.com/
was that weird?
10.15.2008
$$$
i'm going to be a millionaire. not through hard work and accomplishment. not even through a frivolous lawsuit. these dollaz will be obtained through a game of chance. the lottery is too risky for me. gambling would become too much of an addiction.
mcdonald's monopoly is where it's at.
i can shamelessly eat as much of this crap as i want, all in the name of striking it rich. everything gets super-sized and i can only eat things that will give me more chances to win.
i'm playing with a small, core group of geniuses who are as serious about this as i am.
we've discovered all the secrets and we've strategized a game plan.
we will come out on top.
and we're not sharing.
mcdonald's monopoly is where it's at.
i can shamelessly eat as much of this crap as i want, all in the name of striking it rich. everything gets super-sized and i can only eat things that will give me more chances to win.
i'm playing with a small, core group of geniuses who are as serious about this as i am.
we've discovered all the secrets and we've strategized a game plan.
we will come out on top.
and we're not sharing.
10.14.2008
yum
along the lines of togetherness, i've found one more example - good ol' fashioned family dinner.
i grew up with this nightly nightmare. awkwardly sitting around a casserole trying to decide what the best part of your day was. what part shows most accurately how much you accomplished. other than that, there was usually silence until i was finished and had to clear out the dishwasher.
they're more exciting now that i can choose my family.
creating a meal with your friends always feels like a huge accomplishment. our generation that prides itself on knowing where every mcdonald's is within 10 miles and who have delivery services saved in our cell phones - there's a sense of tradition and maturity in cooking a whole meal. the immense feeling of community that comes from everyone working to create a main dish and two sides is... immense.
what's even better, unlike traditional family dinners, we now get to drink copious amounts of booze. and watch dvr'd gossip girl. i mean, we're still only 20-somethings. there's no need to pull the 'what's the best thing that happened to you today?' card. chances are, this is the best thing that's happened.
i grew up with this nightly nightmare. awkwardly sitting around a casserole trying to decide what the best part of your day was. what part shows most accurately how much you accomplished. other than that, there was usually silence until i was finished and had to clear out the dishwasher.
they're more exciting now that i can choose my family.
creating a meal with your friends always feels like a huge accomplishment. our generation that prides itself on knowing where every mcdonald's is within 10 miles and who have delivery services saved in our cell phones - there's a sense of tradition and maturity in cooking a whole meal. the immense feeling of community that comes from everyone working to create a main dish and two sides is... immense.
what's even better, unlike traditional family dinners, we now get to drink copious amounts of booze. and watch dvr'd gossip girl. i mean, we're still only 20-somethings. there's no need to pull the 'what's the best thing that happened to you today?' card. chances are, this is the best thing that's happened.
10.12.2008
jet setter
brad came to kentucky. we've only been hate crimed one and 1/2 times.
we went to a haunted bar. the clientele was scarier than any paranormal activity that could have occurred.
we went to a haunted bar. the clientele was scarier than any paranormal activity that could have occurred.
10.10.2008
a-hoy
it can be hard to bring people together. in the off chance it happens, it usually revolves around bbq's, book clubs, prayer meetings and field trips.
my personal favorite togetherness activity is sailor jerry. he is the driving force that opens people up to each other and connects them in an everlasting bond. jerry swabs the decks of our hearts and allows us to reveal secrets normally kept in the lower decks of our souls.
there are a few rules to indulging in this magical experience. foremost, you need a big old bottle of sailor. next, you must have shot glasses (you can substitute blue solo cups if glasses are unavailable - this is not recommended). coca-cola classic is the next requirement. you can also get a large pizza, but this is optional.
after you have acquired these necessities, get ready, because you will journey down a wild and crazy path. you may not remember most of what is shared in this magical circle, but it will include tears, laughs, real talk and ultimately - bonding.
this undertaking is not to be tread lightly upon. it is not for the faint of heart. you must be a true warrior of spirit to successfully conquer this endeavor. if you're up to it, your life will never be the same.
my personal favorite togetherness activity is sailor jerry. he is the driving force that opens people up to each other and connects them in an everlasting bond. jerry swabs the decks of our hearts and allows us to reveal secrets normally kept in the lower decks of our souls.
there are a few rules to indulging in this magical experience. foremost, you need a big old bottle of sailor. next, you must have shot glasses (you can substitute blue solo cups if glasses are unavailable - this is not recommended). coca-cola classic is the next requirement. you can also get a large pizza, but this is optional.
after you have acquired these necessities, get ready, because you will journey down a wild and crazy path. you may not remember most of what is shared in this magical circle, but it will include tears, laughs, real talk and ultimately - bonding.
this undertaking is not to be tread lightly upon. it is not for the faint of heart. you must be a true warrior of spirit to successfully conquer this endeavor. if you're up to it, your life will never be the same.
10.07.2008
10.05.2008
do re mi
one of my favorite pleasures/vices is a late night cigarette. i indulged in this joy a few minutes ago.
i was standing on the front porch admiring the church directly across the street from the building when i saw four deer standing in the church lawn. two parents and two kids. the apartment is in the middle of town and the country isn't very close, so these deer traversed quite a distance. i considered scaring them farther into the neighborhood seeing as the street is pretty busy. the last thing i'd want is a deer family to be torn apart by the loss of a parent or child.
as i smoked in awe; another deer parent with child trotted across the street. these two families joined forces and disappeared around the corner of the church.
i'd go so far as to say it's the best late night cigarette i've ever had.
i was standing on the front porch admiring the church directly across the street from the building when i saw four deer standing in the church lawn. two parents and two kids. the apartment is in the middle of town and the country isn't very close, so these deer traversed quite a distance. i considered scaring them farther into the neighborhood seeing as the street is pretty busy. the last thing i'd want is a deer family to be torn apart by the loss of a parent or child.
as i smoked in awe; another deer parent with child trotted across the street. these two families joined forces and disappeared around the corner of the church.
i'd go so far as to say it's the best late night cigarette i've ever had.
oops
word to the wise - be careful while driving in the country.
i had to canvass the other day with a girl who wouldn't stop talking about her 37 year old boyfriend. she happens to be 21. every story began with 'sean and i were fighting and...' obviously a really functioning relationship.
she was driving her aunt's car that day and when it was my turn to drive she instructed me to be very careful. honestly, a chipmunk is a better driver than this girl. but i clenched my teeth and took the advice.
she ate her own words when she was pulling out of a driveway onto the country highway when she missed the concrete and half of the car ended up in a ditch. two of the four wheels weren't touching the ground so it was impossible for us to get out.
thank god we were blocking the highway and people were forced to stop. eventually we got five football looking corn fed men to lift the car while another guy hitched it to the back of his truck. they all kept saying they can't be held liable for any damage done, and she wouldn't just say ok... instead she used her bad social skills to whine about how it's her aunt's car. i don't know, maybe take what you can get and be thankful someone is helping us out of this ditch?
oh man.
i had to canvass the other day with a girl who wouldn't stop talking about her 37 year old boyfriend. she happens to be 21. every story began with 'sean and i were fighting and...' obviously a really functioning relationship.
she was driving her aunt's car that day and when it was my turn to drive she instructed me to be very careful. honestly, a chipmunk is a better driver than this girl. but i clenched my teeth and took the advice.
she ate her own words when she was pulling out of a driveway onto the country highway when she missed the concrete and half of the car ended up in a ditch. two of the four wheels weren't touching the ground so it was impossible for us to get out.
thank god we were blocking the highway and people were forced to stop. eventually we got five football looking corn fed men to lift the car while another guy hitched it to the back of his truck. they all kept saying they can't be held liable for any damage done, and she wouldn't just say ok... instead she used her bad social skills to whine about how it's her aunt's car. i don't know, maybe take what you can get and be thankful someone is helping us out of this ditch?
oh man.
10.02.2008
where in the world
kentucky. better than i thought it would be.
so far i've only seen a handful of mullets and a mouthful of teeth. i'd say that's pretty good. the people i've met don't really have accents, and they've read a book or two.
being political isn't that hard. i'm into it.
i mean, sitting around the majority of the day, only to make phone calls and then go out and drink... that's the life.
so far i've only seen a handful of mullets and a mouthful of teeth. i'd say that's pretty good. the people i've met don't really have accents, and they've read a book or two.
being political isn't that hard. i'm into it.
i mean, sitting around the majority of the day, only to make phone calls and then go out and drink... that's the life.
9.23.2008
9.20.2008
near death
i was biking up clark street in andersonville; minding my own business when some freak bitch opened his car door without looking. i tried to swerve and avoid the collision - but alas, i could not.
after picking myself up off the middle of clark i immediately called the man an asshole and told him he's supposed to look in his rear view mirror before opening his door. he didn't like my tone of voice and tried to inform me i shouldn't speed down the street. actually, i wasn't speeding, i was going at a leisurely pace enjoying the indian summer - i was paying attention and he is a douche.
the only person concerned with my well-being was a waitress who asked if i was ok through her restaurant door. i like her.
in the best sarcastic tone i could muster i asked him to please excuse me so i could get my shoe. his dumb ass took that as politeness and then criticized me for being nice after calling him an asshole. i thought shoving the door into him to get my shoe was clue enough i hated his guts.
my gear shifter is broken. and i have a scrape on the top of my foot. but i'm a survivor, i'm going to make it.
i hope i fucked the inside of his car real good.
after picking myself up off the middle of clark i immediately called the man an asshole and told him he's supposed to look in his rear view mirror before opening his door. he didn't like my tone of voice and tried to inform me i shouldn't speed down the street. actually, i wasn't speeding, i was going at a leisurely pace enjoying the indian summer - i was paying attention and he is a douche.
the only person concerned with my well-being was a waitress who asked if i was ok through her restaurant door. i like her.
in the best sarcastic tone i could muster i asked him to please excuse me so i could get my shoe. his dumb ass took that as politeness and then criticized me for being nice after calling him an asshole. i thought shoving the door into him to get my shoe was clue enough i hated his guts.
my gear shifter is broken. and i have a scrape on the top of my foot. but i'm a survivor, i'm going to make it.
i hope i fucked the inside of his car real good.
9.17.2008
xoxo
what is it about gossip girl that turns me into a 13 year old girl?
there is something that comes over me whenever i see an ad, commercial or magazine with one of the stars plastered on it. it comes from deep inside and bubbles through my body exploding through me like a thousand moon beams. that is the feeling of love my friends. i love gossip girl.
i don't think it is simply the story lines saturated with teenage sex, angst and back stabbing. though, who doesn't want to know if dan and serina will break up for good this time, or if blair and chuck will face the fact that they're in love and perfect for each other. will nate fully realize that family is more important than money and dump the hagged out twin peaks biatch? I WANT TO KNOW!
it has to be more than the amazing clothes they parade around in. changing outfits for every scene whether it makes sense in the story line or not... they KNOW all we want to do is stare are their pretty bodies clad in even prettier outfits.
does it have something to do with the social commentary on wealth, privilege and power? no... they aren't that good.
i think it may have something to do with the fact it's a cultural phenomenon. i know i know, gossip girl? yes! NO ONE WATCHES THIS SHOW, at least according to the ratings. but EVERYONE IS WATCHING THIS SHOW online and through itunes. they also have the most powerful tool at their fingertips - word of mouth. everyone talks about this show like these kids work and play in their everyday lives.
gossip girl is setting precedent for the next wave in tv/media. maybe i'm making a bigger deal of this show than i should, but for real, it's traversing uncharted territory. i want to know what these trustifarians will do next. and i want to know how this show will utilize new marketing/advertising/media tactics.
there is something that comes over me whenever i see an ad, commercial or magazine with one of the stars plastered on it. it comes from deep inside and bubbles through my body exploding through me like a thousand moon beams. that is the feeling of love my friends. i love gossip girl.
i don't think it is simply the story lines saturated with teenage sex, angst and back stabbing. though, who doesn't want to know if dan and serina will break up for good this time, or if blair and chuck will face the fact that they're in love and perfect for each other. will nate fully realize that family is more important than money and dump the hagged out twin peaks biatch? I WANT TO KNOW!
it has to be more than the amazing clothes they parade around in. changing outfits for every scene whether it makes sense in the story line or not... they KNOW all we want to do is stare are their pretty bodies clad in even prettier outfits.
does it have something to do with the social commentary on wealth, privilege and power? no... they aren't that good.
i think it may have something to do with the fact it's a cultural phenomenon. i know i know, gossip girl? yes! NO ONE WATCHES THIS SHOW, at least according to the ratings. but EVERYONE IS WATCHING THIS SHOW online and through itunes. they also have the most powerful tool at their fingertips - word of mouth. everyone talks about this show like these kids work and play in their everyday lives.
gossip girl is setting precedent for the next wave in tv/media. maybe i'm making a bigger deal of this show than i should, but for real, it's traversing uncharted territory. i want to know what these trustifarians will do next. and i want to know how this show will utilize new marketing/advertising/media tactics.
9.16.2008
poem
i'll have you for breakfast
i'll have you for a midnight snack.
you keep me happy and you keep me thin,
but thanks to you - my insides are not.
if only you were as good for me as fruit,
or jellies and jams.
you make me feel cool,
you make me look cool.
why do you have to kill me in 60 years?
you're a habit i don't want to break,
hearing you burn turns me on.
your lingering smell on my fingertips,
reminds me of the last time we were together.
do right by me,
and i'll do right by you.
i'll have you for a midnight snack.
you keep me happy and you keep me thin,
but thanks to you - my insides are not.
if only you were as good for me as fruit,
or jellies and jams.
you make me feel cool,
you make me look cool.
why do you have to kill me in 60 years?
you're a habit i don't want to break,
hearing you burn turns me on.
your lingering smell on my fingertips,
reminds me of the last time we were together.
do right by me,
and i'll do right by you.
9.15.2008
trash
my landlord is the biggest piece of eurotrash i've ever met. or laid eyes on.
he is the traditional definition of a landlord. my building is owned by a company, and this guy just lives in the complex with his family to keep a constant eye on the place and set fear into every one's heart. he's supposed to respond immediately to our requests with his minions. they don't respond at all. i couldn't use my back door for six months because the key broke off in the door. after repeatedly telling him i needed it fixed - i finally gave up.
one day i left my keys in my apartment and called him to let me in. the only problem with this is he doesn't answer his phone. you have to leave a message, wait for him to listen to the message, and then call back - at which time he'll answer and help you out. that's fucking retarded. why not answer the first time, or call me back... i won't miraculously get into my apartment you stupid fuck.
when he brought me keys to use, he brought my back door key. when i informed him that it wouldn't work he looked dumbfounded and asked why that still wasn't fixed. i don't know, maybe because you're too busy grilling on your jumbo grill and listening to your stupid daughter scream at her boyfriend every night on the phone in the backyard to care about my back door. DO YOUR JOB FREAK BITCH.
i'm not the cleanest person - so my apartment resembles a crack house. when i told them i was moving out, i asked to tell me before they showed it. the first time they complied, but i didn't clean up - i was sticking it to the man. the next time they wanted to show it he told me the night before in hopes i'd clean up. i don't know how familiar you are with landlord laws, but ten hour notice is illegal. i kind of cleaned up.
to top it all off, days later i noticed my ac unit was re-duct taped to my window. he was in my apartment without asking. WAY ILLEGAL!!!
i'm suing.
he is the traditional definition of a landlord. my building is owned by a company, and this guy just lives in the complex with his family to keep a constant eye on the place and set fear into every one's heart. he's supposed to respond immediately to our requests with his minions. they don't respond at all. i couldn't use my back door for six months because the key broke off in the door. after repeatedly telling him i needed it fixed - i finally gave up.
one day i left my keys in my apartment and called him to let me in. the only problem with this is he doesn't answer his phone. you have to leave a message, wait for him to listen to the message, and then call back - at which time he'll answer and help you out. that's fucking retarded. why not answer the first time, or call me back... i won't miraculously get into my apartment you stupid fuck.
when he brought me keys to use, he brought my back door key. when i informed him that it wouldn't work he looked dumbfounded and asked why that still wasn't fixed. i don't know, maybe because you're too busy grilling on your jumbo grill and listening to your stupid daughter scream at her boyfriend every night on the phone in the backyard to care about my back door. DO YOUR JOB FREAK BITCH.
i'm not the cleanest person - so my apartment resembles a crack house. when i told them i was moving out, i asked to tell me before they showed it. the first time they complied, but i didn't clean up - i was sticking it to the man. the next time they wanted to show it he told me the night before in hopes i'd clean up. i don't know how familiar you are with landlord laws, but ten hour notice is illegal. i kind of cleaned up.
to top it all off, days later i noticed my ac unit was re-duct taped to my window. he was in my apartment without asking. WAY ILLEGAL!!!
i'm suing.
9.11.2008
hands
why do little old ladies hold hands?
are they pulling some boston marriage shit? in their old age they finally feel free to express their lesbian love? or do they hold hands because they're pulling back at a lost childhood experience?
maybe they just hold hands so the chances of blowing away decrease.
are they pulling some boston marriage shit? in their old age they finally feel free to express their lesbian love? or do they hold hands because they're pulling back at a lost childhood experience?
maybe they just hold hands so the chances of blowing away decrease.
9.09.2008
trauma
i'm fond of childhood activities. one of the best is taking small things, soaking them in water and watching them grow into bigger things. this is typically done with scuba-divers, fish, inanimate objects and dinosaurs.
yesterday my world experienced a small slice of magic when someone presented me with a little capsule. it was expected that this capsule would dissolve in warm water, releasing a sponge dinosaur. i was even presented with an example of a red sponge stegosaurus.
after preparing the bowl of warm water and plopping the capsule into the water, i waited. i saw something begin to take shape. i walked away. a watched pot never boils - i thought.
i came back and what expanded in the bowl is something that resembles a dinosaur NOT. it looks like a flying squirrel, or a unicorn without a uni-corn. or it looks like a green sponge blob, which is what it is. if i was a child, i would be really disappointed. i was really disappointed as an adult.
i'm thankful i saved one child from a traumatic experience they would no doubt remember far into adulthood.
yesterday my world experienced a small slice of magic when someone presented me with a little capsule. it was expected that this capsule would dissolve in warm water, releasing a sponge dinosaur. i was even presented with an example of a red sponge stegosaurus.
after preparing the bowl of warm water and plopping the capsule into the water, i waited. i saw something begin to take shape. i walked away. a watched pot never boils - i thought.
i came back and what expanded in the bowl is something that resembles a dinosaur NOT. it looks like a flying squirrel, or a unicorn without a uni-corn. or it looks like a green sponge blob, which is what it is. if i was a child, i would be really disappointed. i was really disappointed as an adult.
i'm thankful i saved one child from a traumatic experience they would no doubt remember far into adulthood.
9.08.2008
lisa wagner
from now on, the only trips i will agree to take must involve seeing a friend from one place in another place.
exhibit a: madison trip and lisa wagner.
lisa wagner is the friend. the trip was to return an automobile. lisa wagner went to a concert with a friend who was on business at said concert.
i visited her at the roadside inn. in that inn you could smoke in the room - to indulge in this luxury you must disregard the blood stain on the sheets.
exhibit a: madison trip and lisa wagner.
lisa wagner is the friend. the trip was to return an automobile. lisa wagner went to a concert with a friend who was on business at said concert.
i visited her at the roadside inn. in that inn you could smoke in the room - to indulge in this luxury you must disregard the blood stain on the sheets.
9.03.2008
use a hose
unemployment day one
i've spent more money today than i would on a normal day. now i understand why the poor stay poor. everything cheap costs a lot of money and it's really unhealthy for you. if you have nothing to do - you spend money. and go crazy. i've gone crazy in one day.
i half assed looking for jobs. two people contacted me, but they are for jobs that will keep me poor. so i'll eat junk food and get fat and then have low self esteem and then not be able to get a job that fulfills me. man - they really know how to keep a brother down.
i've already begun to drink heavily today too. i will drink heavily until i find a job. that might also keep this brother down. but - i'll feel superficially better.
find me a job. or teach me how to pimp.
i've spent more money today than i would on a normal day. now i understand why the poor stay poor. everything cheap costs a lot of money and it's really unhealthy for you. if you have nothing to do - you spend money. and go crazy. i've gone crazy in one day.
i half assed looking for jobs. two people contacted me, but they are for jobs that will keep me poor. so i'll eat junk food and get fat and then have low self esteem and then not be able to get a job that fulfills me. man - they really know how to keep a brother down.
i've already begun to drink heavily today too. i will drink heavily until i find a job. that might also keep this brother down. but - i'll feel superficially better.
find me a job. or teach me how to pimp.
9.02.2008
i now know
getting cannibalized won't always happen on buses
four parents can be cooler than two
boating is best
gays are the same anywhere
families are extremely welcoming
wisconsin has the strangest tourist attractions
kellen is still my favorite nephew
i have the best bff in the world
i will turn my ticket in
my parents are better than i thought
omaha is an enigma
she & him is the only acceptable music to listen to on a road trip
friends can be extremely welcoming
i will live on a lake someday
small town bars are where the magic happens
skinny dipping should only be done en masse
it's not a good vacation unless you come back injured
thing will never be the same
four parents can be cooler than two
boating is best
gays are the same anywhere
families are extremely welcoming
wisconsin has the strangest tourist attractions
kellen is still my favorite nephew
i have the best bff in the world
i will turn my ticket in
my parents are better than i thought
omaha is an enigma
she & him is the only acceptable music to listen to on a road trip
friends can be extremely welcoming
i will live on a lake someday
small town bars are where the magic happens
skinny dipping should only be done en masse
it's not a good vacation unless you come back injured
thing will never be the same
8.21.2008
hocus pocus
lately i've been reading up on future trends. not fashion, hair or home décor - more societal and communication related. how does one predict these things you ask...
they don't really. it's all opinion and those are like ass holes.
however, some of the things they say really make sense, partly because it's the type of world i want to see and also because i will make a lot of money.
i'm not one to be totally motivated by the dolla dolla billz, but i think i can encapsulate this stardust and run with it.
some guy said "the times they are a changin'" and i want it. this past decade has been crappy. no one is doing anything different, no one is motivated, no one is active. we've all been sitting in front of our computers writing stupid blogs about self absorption. all we want is tech-knowledgy but use it to play snood.
now, i don't know anything about technology - but i realize that all this mindless shit our britney obsessed society plays with could be used for something more important than posting drunken pictures.
also, why does everyone have to move forward, disregarding the past? i like getting letters in the mail and talking to people in person. do we have to be so technology focused? do we have to change everything in order to do something new? history repeats itself - make it work!
i don't really know what i'm talking about.
they don't really. it's all opinion and those are like ass holes.
however, some of the things they say really make sense, partly because it's the type of world i want to see and also because i will make a lot of money.
i'm not one to be totally motivated by the dolla dolla billz, but i think i can encapsulate this stardust and run with it.
some guy said "the times they are a changin'" and i want it. this past decade has been crappy. no one is doing anything different, no one is motivated, no one is active. we've all been sitting in front of our computers writing stupid blogs about self absorption. all we want is tech-knowledgy but use it to play snood.
now, i don't know anything about technology - but i realize that all this mindless shit our britney obsessed society plays with could be used for something more important than posting drunken pictures.
also, why does everyone have to move forward, disregarding the past? i like getting letters in the mail and talking to people in person. do we have to be so technology focused? do we have to change everything in order to do something new? history repeats itself - make it work!
i don't really know what i'm talking about.
8.19.2008
i'm a bitch
this may come as no surprise to some of you.... but i'm an asshole. i'm pretty sure this started at conception. my parents must have been fighting and got so turned on by the intense rage running through them that they effed - producing me. i can't come up with any other reason besides my remarkably low self esteem, which is a result of my parents anyway so F U MOM AND DAD!
i was mean in elementary school, especially when a girl had such a big crush on me that she wrote me a love letter. being the stupid shit i was, i read it aloud to all my friends and then tore it up in her face. i've since apologized to her for that...
middle school was a wake up call when i had bad clothes, acne and clear braces. you'd think this experience would help me see the error of my ways. NOT! i just got bitter and jaded at the ripe age of 13.
i was sneaky in high school. i bottled up my douche so much that i would just stop talking to people i wanted to be mean to. i also took it out on my family, which, as stated before, i blame for all my problems. i felt claustrophobic in that awkward leave it to beaver world ed and marilyn were trying to create.
i've tried taking it out on random strangers. being a condescending fuck didn't make me feel better. instead, i just felt bad about being mean and then got meaner to the people around me. inside i'm screaming, 'stop! you're just being mean - for no good reason! KNOCK IT OFF!' outside i'm ripping the victim to shreds with my words.
if only i'd listened in 3rd grade when they told us you will not feel better about yourself by making others feel bad.
man - i'm so fucking emo.
i was mean in elementary school, especially when a girl had such a big crush on me that she wrote me a love letter. being the stupid shit i was, i read it aloud to all my friends and then tore it up in her face. i've since apologized to her for that...
middle school was a wake up call when i had bad clothes, acne and clear braces. you'd think this experience would help me see the error of my ways. NOT! i just got bitter and jaded at the ripe age of 13.
i was sneaky in high school. i bottled up my douche so much that i would just stop talking to people i wanted to be mean to. i also took it out on my family, which, as stated before, i blame for all my problems. i felt claustrophobic in that awkward leave it to beaver world ed and marilyn were trying to create.
i've tried taking it out on random strangers. being a condescending fuck didn't make me feel better. instead, i just felt bad about being mean and then got meaner to the people around me. inside i'm screaming, 'stop! you're just being mean - for no good reason! KNOCK IT OFF!' outside i'm ripping the victim to shreds with my words.
if only i'd listened in 3rd grade when they told us you will not feel better about yourself by making others feel bad.
man - i'm so fucking emo.
8.18.2008
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