16.5 hour work day... happy birthday.

go vote. democratic... for my sanity.


high horse

people really piss me off. part of my job is to get volunteers for the days before the election. i call people who have said they are in full support of the candidates and can go on and on... and on about them. but the second you ask them to help out, they give you some bull shit excuse or flat out deny. i don't know, if you're so into it, why don't you help make it a reality?

more generally, people seem to be solely out for themselves. anything that will make them look, seem, act, or sound cooler/better than the next person - they will do. this can be at the cost of anyone/thing. why can't people just do things for the common good? or maybe look a little less cool if it conveys truth, honesty or integrity.

the motivators of people are as follows: greed, money, sex, status and self.

that's fucked up.

how about everyone goes out and does something that is completely selfless today? or does something for the good of someone else. or resists manipulating a situation to come out on top.

i don't know, maybe the little annoyances that ruin our days wouldn't happen as often because you wouldn't be sending out all that negative energy, just waiting to come back and fuck you.


i'm not a big chocolate fan. when it comes to desserts i typically go fruitier. i don't like chocolate candy much either. candy generally turns me off.

there is one candy that i will forever love. smarties. yea, the consistency is that of chalk. there isn't much taste to them and they aren't as enjoyable to eat as other sweet treats. but there is something about them i can't get enough of.

who didn't put them in empty pill bottles and pretend they were your daily prescription that (had you know what it was) you would have overdosed on? i would hold them between my fingers, slowly nibbling an individual disk. i'd suck on them until they got soft in my mouth. they were my alice in wonderland pills that made me grow taller, smaller and travel on adventures.

i wonder if there's a correlation between enjoying smarties in your youth and a pill habit in adulthood.

whatever, those things were like crack back in the day.


i'm famous


grossest photo ever


i'm crafting my halloween costume. i will be a lion.

here is phase one...half is half done.



it's getting cold. that can only mean two things - my fanny pack will be pushed to the back of the closet and tv shows are good.

fall is my favorite season, mostly because it's the time of year that birthed me. thank you ed and marilyn for doing it when the leaves were budding.

fun facts about me:
i was born on halloween.
i was supposed to be born in december - couldn't wait.
i was almost named bowe.
i'm in a book for having a really long umbilical cord.
i was born bowlegged and pigeon toed.
i wore casts and corrective shoes.
my first two teeth to grow in were my vampire teeth - i'll live forever.
i sucked my thumb.
my balls didn't want to drop.


don't pass go

i work across the street from the old county building. there might be a jail in it?

when i go out to smoke a cig, i'll often see people standing on my sidewalk. they are looking up, across the street at the old county building. waving.

i like when friends visit friends.



about me


kentucky has consumed me,
maybe it's the insanity setting in.
these four walls and four people are all i ever see,
it's just a matter of time til the loony bin.

republicans are more wack than i thought,
democrats in the country are pretty wack too.
i've never wanted to be political and now i got caught,
lunsford is playing me like a foo.

i've decided to grow a mullet,
newports will be all i smoke.
hopefully something gets lodged in my gullet,
so ultimately i'll choke.

if i let this place seep in anymore,
i'll talk kentucky up like a whore.

* yea, i know it's not correct... i do what i want *



hidden similarities

everyone farts, but everyone feels uncomfortable doing it in front of people. we all have those that we can fart in front of, there are more people in my life that feel comfortable doing this around me than i'd like.

beyond farting, the things you do when no one is looking. chances are everyone else is doing the same things. why is it socially unacceptable to be open and upfront about how fucking weird you are?

really, it's not that weird. people think and feel stuff and are too embarrassed to make it known. why is it embarrassing if everyone else is doing it too?

i already pick my nose in public, and then flick the boogers. i'm going to start farting all the time. and saying whatever is on my mind at any moment.

possibly, i'll be considered an outsider. my guess, people will know where i'm coming from.

starting now - i hate most people. you're probably one of them.



people come into our office constantly to pick up candidate paraphernalia.

today a four year old wandered back to the phone banking room, came directly up to me, fondled my computer and asked me, "are you my old dad?"

i stared blankly. awkwardly.


every minute everyday

i have many addictions. smoking, drinking, porn, sex, drinking, fast food, smoking, drinking, godfrey, drinking.

one of my favorites is stalking people's blogs.

i should give a shout out to kim reed, because most of these people were found directly/indirectly through her blog. kim's blog is right about here ------------------------------------------------------>

i have a few favorites. i'm going to let you all know:


was that weird?




i'm going to be a millionaire. not through hard work and accomplishment. not even through a frivolous lawsuit. these dollaz will be obtained through a game of chance. the lottery is too risky for me. gambling would become too much of an addiction.

mcdonald's monopoly is where it's at.

i can shamelessly eat as much of this crap as i want, all in the name of striking it rich. everything gets super-sized and i can only eat things that will give me more chances to win.

i'm playing with a small, core group of geniuses who are as serious about this as i am.

we've discovered all the secrets and we've strategized a game plan.

we will come out on top.

and we're not sharing.



along the lines of togetherness, i've found one more example - good ol' fashioned family dinner.

i grew up with this nightly nightmare. awkwardly sitting around a casserole trying to decide what the best part of your day was. what part shows most accurately how much you accomplished. other than that, there was usually silence until i was finished and had to clear out the dishwasher.

they're more exciting now that i can choose my family.

creating a meal with your friends always feels like a huge accomplishment. our generation that prides itself on knowing where every mcdonald's is within 10 miles and who have delivery services saved in our cell phones - there's a sense of tradition and maturity in cooking a whole meal. the immense feeling of community that comes from everyone working to create a main dish and two sides is... immense.

what's even better, unlike traditional family dinners, we now get to drink copious amounts of booze. and watch dvr'd gossip girl. i mean, we're still only 20-somethings. there's no need to pull the 'what's the best thing that happened to you today?' card. chances are, this is the best thing that's happened.


jet setter

brad came to kentucky. we've only been hate crimed one and 1/2 times.

we went to a haunted bar. the clientele was scarier than any paranormal activity that could have occurred.



it can be hard to bring people together. in the off chance it happens, it usually revolves around bbq's, book clubs, prayer meetings and field trips.

my personal favorite togetherness activity is sailor jerry. he is the driving force that opens people up to each other and connects them in an everlasting bond. jerry swabs the decks of our hearts and allows us to reveal secrets normally kept in the lower decks of our souls.

there are a few rules to indulging in this magical experience. foremost, you need a big old bottle of sailor. next, you must have shot glasses (you can substitute blue solo cups if glasses are unavailable - this is not recommended). coca-cola classic is the next requirement. you can also get a large pizza, but this is optional.

after you have acquired these necessities, get ready, because you will journey down a wild and crazy path. you may not remember most of what is shared in this magical circle, but it will include tears, laughs, real talk and ultimately - bonding.

this undertaking is not to be tread lightly upon. it is not for the faint of heart. you must be a true warrior of spirit to successfully conquer this endeavor. if you're up to it, your life will never be the same.



i just talked to a woman named irene mccrackin - the town funeral director.


do re mi

one of my favorite pleasures/vices is a late night cigarette. i indulged in this joy a few minutes ago.

i was standing on the front porch admiring the church directly across the street from the building when i saw four deer standing in the church lawn. two parents and two kids. the apartment is in the middle of town and the country isn't very close, so these deer traversed quite a distance. i considered scaring them farther into the neighborhood seeing as the street is pretty busy. the last thing i'd want is a deer family to be torn apart by the loss of a parent or child.

as i smoked in awe; another deer parent with child trotted across the street. these two families joined forces and disappeared around the corner of the church.

i'd go so far as to say it's the best late night cigarette i've ever had.


word to the wise - be careful while driving in the country.

i had to canvass the other day with a girl who wouldn't stop talking about her 37 year old boyfriend. she happens to be 21. every story began with 'sean and i were fighting and...' obviously a really functioning relationship.

she was driving her aunt's car that day and when it was my turn to drive she instructed me to be very careful. honestly, a chipmunk is a better driver than this girl. but i clenched my teeth and took the advice.

she ate her own words when she was pulling out of a driveway onto the country highway when she missed the concrete and half of the car ended up in a ditch. two of the four wheels weren't touching the ground so it was impossible for us to get out.

thank god we were blocking the highway and people were forced to stop. eventually we got five football looking corn fed men to lift the car while another guy hitched it to the back of his truck. they all kept saying they can't be held liable for any damage done, and she wouldn't just say ok... instead she used her bad social skills to whine about how it's her aunt's car. i don't know, maybe take what you can get and be thankful someone is helping us out of this ditch?

oh man.


where in the world

kentucky. better than i thought it would be.

so far i've only seen a handful of mullets and a mouthful of teeth. i'd say that's pretty good. the people i've met don't really have accents, and they've read a book or two.

being political isn't that hard. i'm into it.

i mean, sitting around the majority of the day, only to make phone calls and then go out and drink... that's the life.