generate income.
maybe quit smoking.
drink less.
be nice to people.
change the world.




recently i've had the urge to start a ruckus. i just want to start shit. nothing extremist, nothing illegal, just a regular ruckus.

when i checked ruckus to see if i was spelling and using it correctly, this is what my dictionary told me it meant..... weird.



i'm not sure why i went to college. i guess i learned some stuff about stuff. i also made a few friends or something. but really, all the education i needed i could have gotten from the original 90210.

not only have i learned how to study for things like SATs and how to get A+ on tests, or even how to successfully run a school newspaper i've also learned a lot of street smarts.

it's tots not that hard to save someone who is drunk from drowning in the ocean, and AA is a great place to meet hot babes. i've learned that betting is a dark road and even the most virtuous people can get caught in the addictive trap. eating disorders are no laughing matter and even if you want to stop going to the meetings, you have to because everyone has problems and you can learn a lot from theirs too.

sometimes you have to be the bigger person and let your bff take your ex-bf. if you have an energy crystal around your neck, nothing can stop you. also, if your dad dies... write a book!

if you want to break into the music industry, all you have to do is get one of your loaded high school friends to represent you and chances are, one of the biggest producers in the biz will produce you. you'll have to sell your soul and fire your bud - but hey! you're famous!

also, you don't have to have sex with your significant other. sometimes god is more important, and sometimes even if you do have sex, you'll have a pregnancy scare duh, but it'll tots be fine if you tell your parents about it!

overall, all you really need are friends. it's the best idea to sleep with all of them at some point. even if you can't get down their pants, at least love them from afar for three years. you'll all stay friends and hang out in the hallways during class every day.

last but not least, even if you're 31 years old you can for sure be valedictorian.


fa la la la la

im in chicago. i won't be eating taco salad with my five nephews and new niece. i won't be receiving hickery farm cheese boxes at the lottinville family christmas party.

i'll probably order pizza, watch old episodes of 90210 and drink left over wine.

happy fucking holidays.




i'll be going back to my roots soon. sometimes i reminisce about times when i was young, getting in trouble, thinking i knew shit about shit and i think it'd be nice to live there again.

then i get sucked back into reality with facespace. i look at my friends and get jealous of their escapades. then i look at the other kids. the ones that still call each other fags in a non-ironic sort of way. the ones that are still hanging out in the same basements with the same people since 7th grade.

it's sad to see how insecure a lot of those people still are. i guess i would be too if i was in the same situation i was five years ago. i have trouble getting over that shit 472 miles away.

omaha has some good qualities - but open-mindedness isn't one of them. traveling the world can give you some insight into bigger things, but if you just go back to where you started what good is it besides drink conversation and a more exotic facespace profile?

i probably don't give these kids enough credit, and maybe my world view is skewed... but fuck. grow up.



throw away the key

i feel like i'm slowly going insane, yet everything is getting clearer. by doing nothing i've begun to feel i'm consistently getting closer to my goal. i've had deja vu more in the past month than ever before. this could be linked to increased insanity - but i'd prefer to believe this signifies my life heading in the right direction.

i might be building to something monumental, steadily trudging a path to significance. my problem, however, is apathy. there isn't much of anything i care strongly about other than cigarettes, my hair and who wants to drink with me. those are surely signs of decay.

maybe, it all comes down to the fact i feel something is going to happen. different obscure pieces of my life are coming into focus and weaving this logical web i can't help but recognize. by sitting back watching and waiting i believe the solution will present itself.

i have a fire and however misdirected it can be right now, it's there - eventually i'll get the final piece to this puzzle and decoupage that shit into a frame.




i remember when my baby looked like this and i thought i loved him a lot then. that was when he was nice and sweet and didnt understand the world yet. before he go distant and secluded and angry. im probably a bad dad. but i love him.



there was a black fly in my chardonnay


rock city

i love detroit.

after a full night at a bar with people i didn't know or care to know we pulled up to a huge industrial warehouse. we walked through the back door and were shuffled into a huge elevator destined for funk night. we rock starred it to the front of the line, made our way to the back of the party where $10 got you a cup of whiskey and a ganga cookie.

after consuming both, it was time to dance. amid a dj, huge projections and an eclectic crowd - we danced. we danced until 6 am. we had our pictures taken on the dance floor and took breaks in a private back room.

the people were fun, looked interesting, were welcoming and actually danced. chicago this was not. no one was segregated, no one gave dirty looks and no one tried to be hipper than the next person.

basically, it was every stereotypical thought i've ever had about detroit and it's awesomeness rolled into one experience.

it probably felt a lot cooler than it actually was, but... the feeling is what makes the experience anyway. i felt at home.