its cold in here

man-o-man... judging from my posts the last half of this year, youd think i was a real emo kid. that could be partially true.

but now things are getting real emo. my roommates mom is really sick, which doesnt lend itself to a carefree environment. kellys probably my best friend so think of her mom plz.

this first snow hasnt had a pleasant effect on me either. instead, it has made me feel cold, isolated and lonely. i h8 winter. its ghey.

ive also come to realize i dont have enough sad lonely women on my ipod, so i cant even listen to music that reflects my mood.

and ive failed miserably with this months book club selection.

and blogging at work effs up my formatting...... grrrr

.

baby daddy

why do people put pics of their kids on the background of their computer? i understand that youre proud and you made them and theyre the fruit of your loins, but i dont need to see your children bathing when i walk by. gimmie some breaks.

i dont think id even put a pic of a boo on my computer. leave it at home! then again, whenever anyone sees any of the backgrounds on my computer they give me strange looks and ask what compelled me to put it up. maybe im just too "artsy" for corporate america.

my captain planet pic on the weekly team meeting agenda was also met with some blank stares.

lolcatz

ive made a few changes as-of-late. mostly for the better.

i grew up a little and removed myself from the family plan. i now am a proud owner of an iphone. this has increased my connectedness to the internetz and textz while decreasing my checkbook and the amount of time i spend with real ppl. i do however, think im in love with it.

ive also joined a book club. one that actually meets and actually reads books i might get something out of. were also a music club. our title is aptly words & rhymes. im pretty pumped to read, listen and meet new people. maybe thatll make up for the fact im constantly on my phone now. theres something more beneficial to interacting with people on an intellectual level rather than getting drunk at a bar. maybe its just me and the people i surround myself with, but i havent gotten much of that since college.

recently ive decided that im going to go out to dinner every weekend. not just taco bell and bk lounge, but a nice, sit down dinner at a byob place with some of my closest girlfriends. i did this last weekend and the conversation and company was so much more fulfilling than when we later went to a party/bar.

i be loving life again. now that im back in the world after my fall from grace, i think things are looking up.

<

i want to see my world in pictures
i want my thoughts to ramble into something beautiful
i want to be a pop star
i want to know what i want when i grow up
i want a make over
i want to be respected
i want an iphone already
i want to accomplish something monumental
i want another cat
i want to know
i want to learn
i want to read more
i want to eat better
i want to smoke more
i want the glamor of drinking without the effect
i want a five year plan
i want a ten year plan
i want to feel like i have something to say
i want people to want to listen to what i have to say
i want something to say
i want the american dream
i want the american nightmare
i want to be unique
i want to be loved
i want my mom to apologize
i want to be a cool kid
i want to be admired
i want to admire
i want to know shit about shit
i want chocolate soy milk

happy halloweeeeeeeen!!

snooze fest

i wanted to blog... and have sat here for five minutes trying to think of something clever, witty or somewhat entertaining.

ive got nothing.

my life has gotten sooooooo boring. actually, only boring people get bored.

ive gotten sooooooo boring.

capitalist

ive gotten into this awful habit of buying. now that ive graduated into real person job status, i have also graduated into real person job habits.

when im bored, i go to the nearest place i can spend money. when im upset, i go to the nearest place i can spend money.

so far, ive been able to justify most of the purchases ive made as necessities. that wont last long. its also a lie.

what is it about money that makes you feel like you have to spend it? why cant i be one of those people who gets a thrill from saving money? spending doesnt even give me much of a thrill bc i have so much remorse after my purchase anyway.

turns out i was never better than consumerism. i was just broke.

boo

costumes excite me. so does the candy. the fact its my birthday is SUPER exciting. but what im most excited about for halloween, is the cubicle decoration contest at work.

vasectomy

when i got home today bowie screamed until i took him outside even though he pooped in the house. once i got back inside i had to feed him and put special food on top of his normal food so hed eat it. then rosie stared at me until i fed her and pushed me out of the way before i was finished, even though there'd been food sitting in the bowl all day. fatty. then i gave them all water, except i had to leave the sink running because godfrey only drinks from the tap.

i still have to pee, eat and take my effing coat off. children are too demanding.

snapped

ive always hated fuzzy things. i equate plush with caucasian waste. a double wide that reeks of stale cigarette smoke inevitably will have a white plush blanket incrusted with cheetos.

on christmas day 2008 i received a pair of plush pajama pants. luckily, this was during the time i was unemployed so i wore them for three months straight. i took them off to shower and none-to-often to wash. i so easily jumped on the crazy train.

lately, ive been on this kick to make my bed the most comfortable thing in the world. i got a plush body pillow. ive been morally apposed to those for years. something snapped and i decided i needed it. i named it body lux. hes my new boyfriend.

this weekend i took the plunge. i bought a plush blanket with fo-suede trim. its baby blue. it should have a playboy bunny embroidered in the center like a crest.

i dont know how i convinced myself these gifts and purchases were acceptable. its a downward spiral that i got on and went down fast.

i ate garden salsa sun chips in bed today. theres an orange stain on the edge of my plush blanket.

WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!!!??

just a thought

what happens when i get a bill for my broken tibia?

when i broke it i didnt really have a job and i definitely didnt have insurance... does that count as payment?

will obama save me from paying? will the hospitals be overwhelmed with new procedures and paperwork to notice my little bill?

did i fall between buildings at the perfect time to fall between the cracks?

bummed

its really strange to go out now. seeing people for the first time since i broke my tibia is even stranger.

last night it felt like alllll i talked about was my leg and trying to find non-awkward ways to make light of the fact i could have died and quickly change the subject.

i dont feel better. i havent recovered. i think about walking every time i do.

i dont feel like the same person but i dont feel like a new person. i feel stuck in limbo, completely controlled by an event that took two seconds.

two seconds changed my life.

two seconds consumes me.

i want them back.

is this racist?

it seems at every job i have, i inevitably smoke more cigarettes throughout the day the longer i hold the position.

it seems at every job i have, there are people who smoke on the same schedule i do.

it seems at every job i have, there is always an old indian man who smokes on the same schedule i do.

it seems at every job i have, this indian man just stands outside all day chain smoking.

it seems at every job i have, the last statement is proven true at some point.

it seems at this job i have, today i saw the indian man light a new cigarette with his old one.

werkin

i coordinate pharmaceutical programs. glamorous, i know.

today i was talking to this lady at a japanese steakhouse and she said, 'you sound young to be doing business.'

....apparently my balls havent dropped.

baby boyfriend

two years ago today, the love of my life came into this world.

godfrey srsly makes me the happiest person in the world.

he got a special dinner, some treats and a new toy today. hes also torn apart the house and broken some glasses. he knows hes special today. and its ok.

imagine

obsessed?

contrary to popular belief, i dated girls once. my ginger ex was in town this weekend. she mentioned i might be crazy.

crazy in respect to my cat.

sure, i got his face tattooed on my body 4ever and i call him my baby boyfriend. but doesnt everybody love their pets? to some extreme? its not that weird i got him tattooed. its not like, 'man, i used to love tweety bird, but now my interests have matured and i feel stupid for having him tattooed on the middle of my lower back.' ill love godfrey for a lifetime.

he might not be the sweetest cat. and he might not show any affection. he might even ruin my roommates couch - but he makes me happy.

i dont believe in crazy cat people. they just have a lot of love to give.

keeper

this is what took care of me throughout my recovery.

he waited on me hand and broken foot. i think i appreciated it.

hes an ok guy.

milk

i had my first team meeting at work today.

my team was nice enough to get a cookie cake that said 'welcome drew'.

i was in charge of cutting said cookie cake.

when i finished cutting it, i wiped the excess frosting onto the box.

a gasp broke out among the team.

who knew frosting was such a big deal?

so it is

tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. for the time being.

i start a new job tomorrow - well see where this goes.

in other news - i think i partook in a hippie, communal, jam, party fest this weekend. thank god brads roommate built a yurt. i dont know how i would have gotten my fix of folksy, snug, geometrically perfect party time in the city.

new

because ill love him 4eva and money never last$

move bitch

i have a homie walk. or a g stride. maybe i'm str8 thuggin it. whichever you chose, this boot makes me limp like the people wearing baggy sweatpants and the reeboks with the straps.

do people look at me now and say, 'what a bad ass' or 'im afraid of him' in the same way they do others with my stride? those that choose to walk with a limp and a slide - did their mothers strap a walking boot on them as toddlers?

i might keep this walk when im healed to solidify my street cred.

fave

4life

i broke my tibia and all i got was a scar and a metal rod... and a walking boot for a month.

at least i still get to ride the carts at target.

beginnings?

i have a doctor appt tomorrow. they don't tell me much - but i think im getting this shit off. maybe ill have a walking boot? they told me it would be over in six weeks and six weeks its been. i can tell because my leg is reallllly skinny.

ive gotten used to sitting around the house. tv is my new bff. what am i going to do with this new found freedom?!! i dont think im going to drink much. that will not be on the list.

i think ill clean my apt. then i will dance. i will dance like youve never seen anyone dance before. i will break records for dancing. i will tear through floors with my mad moves. i will rain sweat from my body in honor of the dance. if there is a dance party, i! will! find! it! i will make mass street choreographed dances a reality! I WILL DANCE!