1.25.2010

bus-ted love

i caught my bus girlfriend fixing her hair and smiling when i stepped on today. usually when i can tell someones excited to see me, it turns me off and i want nothing to do with them. but she gave me butterflies.

through numerous conversations i realize that just about everyone has a bus/train bf/gf. theres a lady with a lad on the 66, a ghey with a mo on the 36 and me on the 72. i have two. one of each sex.

theres a strong possibility i would go str8 for my bus gf. shes tall and pretty while slightly nerdy. i can tell she has interesting thoughts and is thoughtful herself. basically shes a babe with a heart and who wouldnt be all over that? and she loves me. she holds her books just so i can see what shes reading and be impressed. i try to look extra macho to keep this fantasy alive as well.

today i was sitting in the back on the second level, right next to the exit doors. she gets off at western and for half a block was standing directly in front of me. while we faced each other she couldnt contain her smile and had to look away. it was the cutest. darn. thing. ive. ever. seen.

partially i feel bad that she doesnt realize i like boys, but at the same time - if i can bring a little joy to her morning commute and her mine, what's the harm?

my bus boyfriend is a little different. hes a 30-something business man who slightly resembles superman. if he realizes im alive, its bc hes caught me oogling him while i drool. its impossible for me to casually glance at him once or twice, for some reason i have to blatantly stare at him from when he gets on at wood to off at the redline... or visa versa, bc i am lucky enough to ride to and from with him.

if only my bus girlfriend knew....


1.04.2010

now

i got what i wanted. i wanted to feel real again for the first time since i dated her.

we got what we wanted. we wanted to switch places and learn as much as we could.

ill take his advice and push my hair back a little more. ill go out with my friends and tell them, 'you were right'. ill stop pretending and find the beauty in vulnerability. ill stop looking.

ill begin to work on myself for the first time since i dated her.

ill begin to be the person he knew i could be.

hopefully ill stop being such a fucking emo creep.


1.02.2010