say wha?

on my way home last night i asked a lady for a cigarette. the usual response is either, 'sorry it was my last one', straight up 'no', or begrudgingly i receive a cigarette.

the only other response comes from people who are willing to give a cigarette but they preface it with, 'it's a menthol..' meaning, 'i know this is gross and you probably dont want it, but please dont judge me for smoking these because i actually enjoy them.' since i smoked menthol at one time in my life (dont judge me for that because i actually enjoyed them) i usually take it anyway.

however, last night, something strange happened. when i asked this unassuming lady for a cigarette she prefaced giving me one by saying 'it's not a menthol'. what?

i said that was better and thanked her for the smoke. upon further thought, i was offended. who did she think i was? would you assume i liked menthol? and if so, what kind of crack head do you think i am? yea i smoked them at one time but that's because i thought the stigma surrounding them was funny and i was being 'ironic'. what framework does this woman come from where the assumption is that menthol is preferred?

my reality was rocked.

life

glitter

after about two.5 months, i finally organized my room. instead of a crack den, it actually resembles a home. i'm hoping this is the first step to becoming an actual human being again. only time will tell.

we got really creative and added a gold wall. i think i like it.

idk

oh jeeze

great....

ooook

someone hire me.

maybe i should put in a really honest effort.

webs

like everyone else, i blog stalk. i blog stalk people i dont know. maybe i dont feel like i know them, but i mean - i know them.

a few days ago i saw one of these people in real life for the first time. who knows if this person reads my blog or even knows who i am. i mean - they probably read my blog and know who i am. i received some knowing glances and i doubt they were because of my looks.

seeing people you blog stalk in real life is a disappointment. like a celebrity, they seem smaller in person. after reading someone spill their hearts out and share their deepest secrets, i mean - spill as much of their heart out as willing and sharing "secrets" that make them seem alluring, you'd obviously think they were intense, wise and really really cool.

once you see them outside of the pictures that show off their best angle and the words that have been contrived to be the most powerful, they're kinda blah. also really transparent. i mean - they might be cool and fun, but after thinking you know them deeply, everything seems really shallow.

i'll still stalk their blog.

real

rick roll'd

have i been living in a bro-less hole? why haven't i heard of this?

when i finally became aware of this phenomenon, i used my best resources to find out about it.

i think it's pretty stupid. and i'm pissed no one's ever done it to me/i've never done it to someone.

UPDATE: i youtube'd the next gossip girl episode promo last night and instead i got rick roll'd

bf art

identity crisis

if i find myself on everyfuckisfamous.com and partylikecrap.com, does that make me hip? or does that make me the antithesis of hip?

have i become everything i hate? or by hating and participating, does that by definition, make it true?

these stupid websites have called my entire identity into question. facespace and blogger are self-obsessive and vapid enough, but to further my egotistical narcissism with outside sources is excessive. the outside sources are lamer than facespace and blogger too.

i can only right the wrongs i have committed through these stupid sites by sneaking godfrey into the club so he can obtain his rightful place as most famous cat.

back down winston.

michelle

she is a woman that i have seen on two reality shows. two of my favorite reality shows i might add - mama's boys and paris hilton, my new bff.

she was kicked off pretty fast on my new bff. she didn't cut it for paris. however, she did make it pretty far on mama's boys. she had one guy fooled into thinking she wasn't a tranny, and wasn't a gold digging biatch. her true colors came out when she was eliminated and told the audience she was a princess and should be worshiped.

i. want. to. be. her.

not so much the plastic surgery and whacked out life perspective... but i want to attain fame by whoring myself on as many reality shows as possible.

i seem to remember a few other people who have tried this, but i haven't given it enough research to name them. i don't think using your fame from one reality show to go on another one really counts though. i want to be sneaky and unbeknownst to the public, be on multiple shows.

a boy can dream.

special

making someone laugh?
turns on?
heart attack when looking into someone eyes?
punching bag that punches back?
hearing someone's laughter?
inside jokes?
two inches taller?
sharing vices?
cooking dinner?
caring?
over eating?
faux-band?
closet sharing?
super conversations?
sharing insecurities?

i'm just clownin'.

sparks

i was always tg for it.

now that it's extinct, i buy it whenever i see it. ok - which was once.

gross.

i'll probably make my own when it's completely gone. i looked up a recipe online.

hip.

childhood

i tried to come up with some clever anecdote for this entry. really, the end was justifying the means.

i just wanted to make this public......

suck it

you are a garbage motel.

oscar the grouch will see you now.

hallelujah