boo

costumes excite me. so does the candy. the fact its my birthday is SUPER exciting. but what im most excited about for halloween, is the cubicle decoration contest at work.

vasectomy

when i got home today bowie screamed until i took him outside even though he pooped in the house. once i got back inside i had to feed him and put special food on top of his normal food so hed eat it. then rosie stared at me until i fed her and pushed me out of the way before i was finished, even though there'd been food sitting in the bowl all day. fatty. then i gave them all water, except i had to leave the sink running because godfrey only drinks from the tap.

i still have to pee, eat and take my effing coat off. children are too demanding.

snapped

ive always hated fuzzy things. i equate plush with caucasian waste. a double wide that reeks of stale cigarette smoke inevitably will have a white plush blanket incrusted with cheetos.

on christmas day 2008 i received a pair of plush pajama pants. luckily, this was during the time i was unemployed so i wore them for three months straight. i took them off to shower and none-to-often to wash. i so easily jumped on the crazy train.

lately, ive been on this kick to make my bed the most comfortable thing in the world. i got a plush body pillow. ive been morally apposed to those for years. something snapped and i decided i needed it. i named it body lux. hes my new boyfriend.

this weekend i took the plunge. i bought a plush blanket with fo-suede trim. its baby blue. it should have a playboy bunny embroidered in the center like a crest.

i dont know how i convinced myself these gifts and purchases were acceptable. its a downward spiral that i got on and went down fast.

i ate garden salsa sun chips in bed today. theres an orange stain on the edge of my plush blanket.

WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!!!??

just a thought

what happens when i get a bill for my broken tibia?

when i broke it i didnt really have a job and i definitely didnt have insurance... does that count as payment?

will obama save me from paying? will the hospitals be overwhelmed with new procedures and paperwork to notice my little bill?

did i fall between buildings at the perfect time to fall between the cracks?

bummed

its really strange to go out now. seeing people for the first time since i broke my tibia is even stranger.

last night it felt like alllll i talked about was my leg and trying to find non-awkward ways to make light of the fact i could have died and quickly change the subject.

i dont feel better. i havent recovered. i think about walking every time i do.

i dont feel like the same person but i dont feel like a new person. i feel stuck in limbo, completely controlled by an event that took two seconds.

two seconds changed my life.

two seconds consumes me.

i want them back.

is this racist?

it seems at every job i have, i inevitably smoke more cigarettes throughout the day the longer i hold the position.

it seems at every job i have, there are people who smoke on the same schedule i do.

it seems at every job i have, there is always an old indian man who smokes on the same schedule i do.

it seems at every job i have, this indian man just stands outside all day chain smoking.

it seems at every job i have, the last statement is proven true at some point.

it seems at this job i have, today i saw the indian man light a new cigarette with his old one.

werkin

i coordinate pharmaceutical programs. glamorous, i know.

today i was talking to this lady at a japanese steakhouse and she said, 'you sound young to be doing business.'

....apparently my balls havent dropped.

baby boyfriend

two years ago today, the love of my life came into this world.

godfrey srsly makes me the happiest person in the world.

he got a special dinner, some treats and a new toy today. hes also torn apart the house and broken some glasses. he knows hes special today. and its ok.

imagine

obsessed?

contrary to popular belief, i dated girls once. my ginger ex was in town this weekend. she mentioned i might be crazy.

crazy in respect to my cat.

sure, i got his face tattooed on my body 4ever and i call him my baby boyfriend. but doesnt everybody love their pets? to some extreme? its not that weird i got him tattooed. its not like, 'man, i used to love tweety bird, but now my interests have matured and i feel stupid for having him tattooed on the middle of my lower back.' ill love godfrey for a lifetime.

he might not be the sweetest cat. and he might not show any affection. he might even ruin my roommates couch - but he makes me happy.

i dont believe in crazy cat people. they just have a lot of love to give.

keeper

this is what took care of me throughout my recovery.

he waited on me hand and broken foot. i think i appreciated it.

hes an ok guy.

milk

i had my first team meeting at work today.

my team was nice enough to get a cookie cake that said 'welcome drew'.

i was in charge of cutting said cookie cake.

when i finished cutting it, i wiped the excess frosting onto the box.

a gasp broke out among the team.

who knew frosting was such a big deal?

so it is

tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. for the time being.

i start a new job tomorrow - well see where this goes.

in other news - i think i partook in a hippie, communal, jam, party fest this weekend. thank god brads roommate built a yurt. i dont know how i would have gotten my fix of folksy, snug, geometrically perfect party time in the city.

new

because ill love him 4eva and money never last$

move bitch

i have a homie walk. or a g stride. maybe i'm str8 thuggin it. whichever you chose, this boot makes me limp like the people wearing baggy sweatpants and the reeboks with the straps.

do people look at me now and say, 'what a bad ass' or 'im afraid of him' in the same way they do others with my stride? those that choose to walk with a limp and a slide - did their mothers strap a walking boot on them as toddlers?

i might keep this walk when im healed to solidify my street cred.

fave

4life

i broke my tibia and all i got was a scar and a metal rod... and a walking boot for a month.

at least i still get to ride the carts at target.

beginnings?

i have a doctor appt tomorrow. they don't tell me much - but i think im getting this shit off. maybe ill have a walking boot? they told me it would be over in six weeks and six weeks its been. i can tell because my leg is reallllly skinny.

ive gotten used to sitting around the house. tv is my new bff. what am i going to do with this new found freedom?!! i dont think im going to drink much. that will not be on the list.

i think ill clean my apt. then i will dance. i will dance like youve never seen anyone dance before. i will break records for dancing. i will tear through floors with my mad moves. i will rain sweat from my body in honor of the dance. if there is a dance party, i! will! find! it! i will make mass street choreographed dances a reality! I WILL DANCE!

am i the only one who remembers this?!!

reading list

its time to start a book club. i think this should be the summer of salinger. i want to re-read all i have and read the ones i havent. i want to discuss them while drinking sangria in the afternoon and scotch at night. possibly throw a cigar in the mix.

there is something about him that makes me feel electric, creative and invincible. im gay. but whos with me?

chim and hilary - i feel like you might be down. hopefully i wont want to kill john lennon.

what the what?

when youre broken, people think they can talk to you. always. anywhere.

today i was riding the elevator down from the train and this lady asked me about my leg. all the usual questions, what happened? is it broken? how long will you be like this? i usually just answer all forthcoming questions after the first to save time and hopefully prove to them i dont want to be bothered. youd think that attempting to maneuver around chicago and the outlying suburbs would be enough of a clue im not up for chit chat.

the lady mentioned that my leg would hurt whenever it was cold or raining. to prove her knowledge correct, she began to tell me why she personally has this problem. with her seven year old daughter by her side she said she broke four toes. she did this by kicking her ex-husband 'in the privates'. another man asked how you break four toes kicking someone in the dick and she said after she kicked him once, she just kept kicking.

excuse me?!!

she said all this with a half retarded smile on her face.

the "sprain"

remember when casey kasem came to the max for a dance-a-thon and everyone from bayside was determined to win?

more importantly, remember that lisa turtle sprained her ankle and they created the winning dance move called the turtle?

i need to rock that move.

and if you can find a rocking clip of that online ill love you foreva.




UPDATE



thanks kate

big

this is my third week of being cooped up... i think. ive had a lot of time now to watch/read things and reflect.

last night i watched big fish. the movie obviously makes mention of being around to do big things. im starting to think im around to do big things.

i didnt die. and im not paralyzed. im going to walk away from this (literally) without any repercussions. thats kind of major. i was thinking - things havent been difficult for me. ive gotten to this point in my life with minimal crisis and im doing better than most. but - i can do better.

without god or whatever, this happened for a reason and its to show me that i can do more than i am. i am better than the job i kind of have and im better than the lifestyle im kind of living. i need to jump into that bigger pond and do something with my life.

i just need to figure out what that is..... maybe ill figure that out in the next half of this detour.

to do:

i would like to accomplish these things once my leg has healed...

- walk
- walk down the street
- shower. by myself
- visit friends at their homes
- dance
- go out to dinner
- go to a party (and not drink (a lot))
- ride my bike
- dance
- take bowie on a walk
- chase godfrey to cuddle
- clean my apt
- take out the garbage
- check the mail
- go see the hangover and up
- dance
- dance
- dance
- go grocery shopping
- go shopping
- carry things
- dance

tibia

it feels like theres a metal rod in my leg replacing my bone. oh - there is.

this morning it hurt more than usual, i suspected it was bc of the weather. will my leg expand and creak every time it rains now? at the ripe old age of 23, will the words uttered by ancient people spill from my lips?

the hardest thing about being immobile - next to seeing every tv show available - is going to bed. you would think that laying around all day, my leg would find a comfy zone. or that the pain would stay strong throughout the day. nope. once i lay down to slumber it decides to get uncomfortable. no matter how i position it - pain. there are about three different positions i can try. my leg completely extended, bent at the knee and strategically placed so as to lay on my side. none of these work.

ive even stopped taking my pain meds during the day and only take it at night in hopes ill knock myself out pain free. nope.

i have a new appreciation for pain free mobility.