am i the only one who remembers this?!!

reading list

its time to start a book club. i think this should be the summer of salinger. i want to re-read all i have and read the ones i havent. i want to discuss them while drinking sangria in the afternoon and scotch at night. possibly throw a cigar in the mix.

there is something about him that makes me feel electric, creative and invincible. im gay. but whos with me?

chim and hilary - i feel like you might be down. hopefully i wont want to kill john lennon.

what the what?

when youre broken, people think they can talk to you. always. anywhere.

today i was riding the elevator down from the train and this lady asked me about my leg. all the usual questions, what happened? is it broken? how long will you be like this? i usually just answer all forthcoming questions after the first to save time and hopefully prove to them i dont want to be bothered. youd think that attempting to maneuver around chicago and the outlying suburbs would be enough of a clue im not up for chit chat.

the lady mentioned that my leg would hurt whenever it was cold or raining. to prove her knowledge correct, she began to tell me why she personally has this problem. with her seven year old daughter by her side she said she broke four toes. she did this by kicking her ex-husband 'in the privates'. another man asked how you break four toes kicking someone in the dick and she said after she kicked him once, she just kept kicking.

excuse me?!!

she said all this with a half retarded smile on her face.

the "sprain"

remember when casey kasem came to the max for a dance-a-thon and everyone from bayside was determined to win?

more importantly, remember that lisa turtle sprained her ankle and they created the winning dance move called the turtle?

i need to rock that move.

and if you can find a rocking clip of that online ill love you foreva.




UPDATE



thanks kate

big

this is my third week of being cooped up... i think. ive had a lot of time now to watch/read things and reflect.

last night i watched big fish. the movie obviously makes mention of being around to do big things. im starting to think im around to do big things.

i didnt die. and im not paralyzed. im going to walk away from this (literally) without any repercussions. thats kind of major. i was thinking - things havent been difficult for me. ive gotten to this point in my life with minimal crisis and im doing better than most. but - i can do better.

without god or whatever, this happened for a reason and its to show me that i can do more than i am. i am better than the job i kind of have and im better than the lifestyle im kind of living. i need to jump into that bigger pond and do something with my life.

i just need to figure out what that is..... maybe ill figure that out in the next half of this detour.

to do:

i would like to accomplish these things once my leg has healed...

- walk
- walk down the street
- shower. by myself
- visit friends at their homes
- dance
- go out to dinner
- go to a party (and not drink (a lot))
- ride my bike
- dance
- take bowie on a walk
- chase godfrey to cuddle
- clean my apt
- take out the garbage
- check the mail
- go see the hangover and up
- dance
- dance
- dance
- go grocery shopping
- go shopping
- carry things
- dance

tibia

it feels like theres a metal rod in my leg replacing my bone. oh - there is.

this morning it hurt more than usual, i suspected it was bc of the weather. will my leg expand and creak every time it rains now? at the ripe old age of 23, will the words uttered by ancient people spill from my lips?

the hardest thing about being immobile - next to seeing every tv show available - is going to bed. you would think that laying around all day, my leg would find a comfy zone. or that the pain would stay strong throughout the day. nope. once i lay down to slumber it decides to get uncomfortable. no matter how i position it - pain. there are about three different positions i can try. my leg completely extended, bent at the knee and strategically placed so as to lay on my side. none of these work.

ive even stopped taking my pain meds during the day and only take it at night in hopes ill knock myself out pain free. nope.

i have a new appreciation for pain free mobility.

im back

sort of.

im back in chicago. my parents didnt want to care for me in the first place and were scheming to send me back. i gave them a reason in the form of breaking things. besides my tibia.

ive come to find out that the family ive created for myself of friends is better than the family god gave me. besides my sister. shell always be awesome.

my family thinks im a spoiled, ungrateful brat and they use that as justification to look past the changes and growth in me. as well as an excuse not to care about me getting better.

my friends have been a huge support because they realize im not a waste of space and know there are special things about me. theyve been supportive no matter what - especially now while i recover. i dont think i would trade any of them for anything. theyre magical.

i love the family i chose for myself.

oops

i broke my tibia. i fell off my balcony. apparently everything bad ive ever done finally caught up with me. falling three stories and landing on a fence probably should have killed/paralyzed me. thats what everyones been telling me.

maybe its too fresh - but im probably supposed to gain wisdom and perspective from this. i havent. i could say, 'ive found who truly cares about me and the friends that are real.' the truth is - i could have predicted how everyone reacted. there werent any surprises.

ill probably drink less and not fall off balconies after this, but beyond that - it hasnt given me a clearer perspective on my life. after three more weeks of gimping around i might tell a different story.

and hopin'

not that im especially superstitious, but i always wish on eye lashes, stars and the clock. while thats not terribly superstitious - the anxiety i get from these activities would say otherwise.

maybe its wrong, but i wish any time the clock has the same numbers all the way across. this includes 1:11 and such. some say that doesnt count and you can only wish at times like 11:11. false. i also have to repeat the wish verbally the number of times the clock shows. twice for 2:22, twelve times for 12:12. if i dont make it - the wish will not come true. i also have to blow a kiss after wishing at every clock i see that reads the time. hence the anxiety. its an effing process to make my dreams come true.

eyelashes are slightly easier - but i also cheat to myself. traditionally, i would need to close the eyelash between my thumb and pointer finger while guessing which finger it will end up on when i pull them apart. if i get this wrong - wish is over, no good. however, if i get it right i can continue. i then make a wish, and blow it off my finger. if it does not blow off - wish is over, no good. if it does, my dreams will come true. i havent been doing the first step recently and i believe thats been detrimental. hence, my anxiety - but also, that whole process is anxiety ridden.

i should just stick to birthday candles. anxiety once a year.

im going down

in true train wreck fashion, my weekend was a hot mess.

it all started innocently enough with a family dinner at mi tierra. once you add the live mariachi band, four pitchers of margaritas, a personalized sombrero and a sparkler cup cake - things get tainted.

if that experience wasnt enough for me, next i trotted over to uncle fattys. i was unaware this place existed and i wish i still was. it was repeatedly referred to as my new haircut. true.

after drinking that away, i stumble home to find an entire band at my apt. granted - they were probably 17 years old and mormon.

all in all it was pretty difficult to wake up for a graduation today.

oh, and i found this online.... when my friend turned this in the teacher asked if i was on drugs. nope. thats just me at 20.

lame-o

as of late, my life has been uninteresting. i take that back. its really interesting, in an uninteresting way.

settling in with new roommates is always fun. learning anything and everything about each other while getting obliterated is something i do best. but im starting to get bored. or at least, im ready for an adventure.

well, ive had plenty of adventures this weekend - but i guess my summer craving has been peaked and now im on the look out for more. how can you beat a weekend of fun dipping, art showing, party crashing, never-have-i-evering, crush awkwarding and bk lounging? you really cant. im a firm believer that all of the above are what life is about.

gimmie more. soon. now. fast.

oh yea, and theres this new lady in my life...

happy mom day

the weekends are destroying me. my mother would be disappointed.

maybe ill look into philanthropic efforts today, in honor of mothering.

maybe ill just eat burger king and watch tv.

all in the family

im a father of three now. godfrey is learning how to share. he doesnt do that well.

what he does do well is rape. he attempts rape on rosie about 5x a day. its pretty hott. rosies starting to like it though, i caught her sniffing his butt and licking him. theres love in this apt - that means its good.

godfreys step-brother bowie might be my new bff. i love him.

i have internet kinda

i feel like an addict finally getting my fix.

today i was waiting for the bus after a day that was too long. these girls who were no older (generously) than 16 were waiting at the same stop.

one of the girls was having a phone conversation and all i heard was 'it couldnt be your baby. she slept with him a week and a half ago.' prior to this, she was asking the boy on the other line about the girls menstrual cycle, acting as an expert on when and how a girl can get pregnant. judging by the information she was spouting, she is going to get pregnant very soon.

now, this whole situation was shocking, but what was even more shocking - the sexperts two friends were nonchalantly listening to this conversation unfold. at one point, one turns to the other and says, 'im really horny'.

i 'bout lost it.

for kim

today at work i had to call doctors. naturally, this would scare you right?

most places where doctors work have, basically, the exact same messaging system to filter calls. they all start with 'if you are experience a medical emergency, hang up and call 911' one of them said, 'if you're experiencing a true medical emergency call ###-####'. i dont know, if i was experiencing a medical emergency, i probably wouldnt have the brain capacity or bodily capacity to remember/write down a seven digit number.

my favorite places are the ones who have music playing while they put me on hold. not elevator music, but radio stations of classic rock, light rock, or oldies. i think there was something wrong with some states radio/my phone because it would be playing a song and all of a sudden this death voice would replace the pop singer and finish the lyrics. i likened it to the voice of the scream guy.

my favorite one was the marvin gaye song whats going on when marvin sang 'mother mother theres too many of you crying' followed by the grim reaper singing, 'brother brother brother theres too many of you dying'.

minimalist

i started packing my life up today. i always knew i didnt have a lot of stuff, but now im realizing i really dont have a lot of stuff. i think im basically done, minus a few odds and ends and some more clothing, but i've only filled up three boxes and five bags of clothes.

maybe instead of moving into an apt, i should buy an rv and live out of that.

they are fighting

why are zombies cool? i thought that fad came and left already, but it feels like it lingers. or maybe its more like a trend instead of a fad. can zombies be a trend? maybe theyre classic. i dont really like zombies.

i probably respect people less if they a) talk about zombies, b) theorize about zombies, c) joke about zombies, d) suggest i watch a movie about zombies or e) are a zombie.

i dont find anything appealing about them. i dont think theyre funny or relevant. i cant even think of any more things to criticize about them, thats how lame they are.

christ has risen

holla

all the single ladies

i got a divorce. im looking to experiment with girls.

take a number and give me your measurements. ill treat you badly, fuck you madly and wont make you breakfast.

here i come

the time has come to move off the grid. or, for the majority of people i know - smack dab in the middle of it.

thats right folks. im moving to the west side in may. no more simplicity of the north.

i will frolic among the hipsters and glide through the bicycles. i will enter into the bubble that prevents people from ever leaving. im excited.

the apt is pretty bomb. there will be a warming. so you betta come.

gold

two things

after a cig break at work today, i almost ran into an old man. he was shuffling in place, not moving. as i went through the door into the building i looked back after him. he continued shuffling in place and then started walking at a normal pace. he was just warming up.

secondly, i was on the train going home and i looked out the window at one stop to see a man wearing sweatpants. he kept these sweatpants up by pulling the waste cord at the front of the pants up around his neck. so he kind of had a sweatpant necklace or sweatpant halter depending on how you looked at it.

ch-ch-changes

why do things have to change? why dont i like change? i wish i could go back to being 17. that was a really good time. i didnt have responsibilities and everything seemed to be at my fingertips.

now things are changing, probably for the better... but i dont feel that sense of hope i did when i was 17. now all change feels daunting and the unknown freaks me the eff out. if things could just be constant and stable for a good six months, i would probably feel ok.

my college's motto was create change. uh.... ok. sure. i think if i was creating it, id feel better about it. but the truth is, the change is creating me. that doesnt sit well.