for kim

today at work i had to call doctors. naturally, this would scare you right?

most places where doctors work have, basically, the exact same messaging system to filter calls. they all start with 'if you are experience a medical emergency, hang up and call 911' one of them said, 'if you're experiencing a true medical emergency call ###-####'. i dont know, if i was experiencing a medical emergency, i probably wouldnt have the brain capacity or bodily capacity to remember/write down a seven digit number.

my favorite places are the ones who have music playing while they put me on hold. not elevator music, but radio stations of classic rock, light rock, or oldies. i think there was something wrong with some states radio/my phone because it would be playing a song and all of a sudden this death voice would replace the pop singer and finish the lyrics. i likened it to the voice of the scream guy.

my favorite one was the marvin gaye song whats going on when marvin sang 'mother mother theres too many of you crying' followed by the grim reaper singing, 'brother brother brother theres too many of you dying'.

minimalist

i started packing my life up today. i always knew i didnt have a lot of stuff, but now im realizing i really dont have a lot of stuff. i think im basically done, minus a few odds and ends and some more clothing, but i've only filled up three boxes and five bags of clothes.

maybe instead of moving into an apt, i should buy an rv and live out of that.

they are fighting

why are zombies cool? i thought that fad came and left already, but it feels like it lingers. or maybe its more like a trend instead of a fad. can zombies be a trend? maybe theyre classic. i dont really like zombies.

i probably respect people less if they a) talk about zombies, b) theorize about zombies, c) joke about zombies, d) suggest i watch a movie about zombies or e) are a zombie.

i dont find anything appealing about them. i dont think theyre funny or relevant. i cant even think of any more things to criticize about them, thats how lame they are.

christ has risen

holla

all the single ladies

i got a divorce. im looking to experiment with girls.

take a number and give me your measurements. ill treat you badly, fuck you madly and wont make you breakfast.

here i come

the time has come to move off the grid. or, for the majority of people i know - smack dab in the middle of it.

thats right folks. im moving to the west side in may. no more simplicity of the north.

i will frolic among the hipsters and glide through the bicycles. i will enter into the bubble that prevents people from ever leaving. im excited.

the apt is pretty bomb. there will be a warming. so you betta come.

gold

two things

after a cig break at work today, i almost ran into an old man. he was shuffling in place, not moving. as i went through the door into the building i looked back after him. he continued shuffling in place and then started walking at a normal pace. he was just warming up.

secondly, i was on the train going home and i looked out the window at one stop to see a man wearing sweatpants. he kept these sweatpants up by pulling the waste cord at the front of the pants up around his neck. so he kind of had a sweatpant necklace or sweatpant halter depending on how you looked at it.

ch-ch-changes

why do things have to change? why dont i like change? i wish i could go back to being 17. that was a really good time. i didnt have responsibilities and everything seemed to be at my fingertips.

now things are changing, probably for the better... but i dont feel that sense of hope i did when i was 17. now all change feels daunting and the unknown freaks me the eff out. if things could just be constant and stable for a good six months, i would probably feel ok.

my college's motto was create change. uh.... ok. sure. i think if i was creating it, id feel better about it. but the truth is, the change is creating me. that doesnt sit well.

appease

im really into party questions and games. they might be taken as at the expense of someone else, but theyre really not. im not trying to make people uncomfortable, well, ok - im trying to make people uncomfortable. but its all in good fun!

the questions can be construed as offensive and the conversation is usually putting people on the spot. but if people want to earn my respect, they should play along. i love it when people "get it". what i dont love is when people dont "get it".

example: this weekend i asked what the % or fine line between gay and deaf was.

its not that hard. take what im saying at face value and appease me by playing along. keep the joke going. up the ante. you FAIL if you stare at me like im an idiot and act like the questions are beneath you. i cant help it if you dont understand. the questions are actually highly developed and by answering them youll show personality and wit. duh.

get with it people.

omgz..

cause i need more...

dream

can i do this for a job?

happy st. pat's day

toot?

im not too into bragging, but i might be the best boyfriend ever?

brad's grandpa died recently and apparently he was kind of famous. i used my pr skills and made a few phone calls. i got them to make a copy of the interview recording and send it my way.

that earned a few points with his family, right?

8.1%

im a statistic now. more than i was before. today i filed for unemployment.

maybe my parents shouldnt have aided in supporting me and abetted me through a sense of obligation. i stopped living off daddy warbucks awhile ago and now ive switched to uncle sam.

daddy warbucks pays better.

this is a humbling experience. it makes me want money. ive probably wanted money before, but thought i was above it or something. hell-effin-NO. i want that shit now. give me money. give me all the money i can take.

im taking applications for a non-sexual sugar daddy. im also taking applications for cooking me dinner.

inquire within.

crime!

long story short - in rock city this weekend, some douche tried to choke me. little did he know, YOU DONT FUCK WITH ME! i won.

on a lighter note - saw sic alps in evanston tonight. it was sic...... alps. i want to reside in that venue.

crime?

i typically hate 3:30 in my neighborhood because of the high school. i now understand what grown ups always meant when they said large groups of teenagers made them uncomfortable. they make me uncomfortable.

today wasnt exactly like that - but i thought id throw it in.

brad and i were walking home around this time today and a group of high school boys jovially made a comment about gay lovers as they passed us. in reaction, i put my arm around brads waist and smiled at them over my shoulder. it got a rise out of them.

upon further discussion, i wondered how hateful their comments were, or if they were light hearted. i suppose it doesnt matter if it doesnt offend me. if you laugh back/with them, can it be demeaning?

a happening

brad's showing in detroit this weekend. everyone whos cool will be there.

are you cool?

repent

the other day i was downtown with a friend. while walking, i saw the shiny glint of laundry money. i bent down to swipe it up and continued going. from the corner of my eye i saw a homeless man sitting in close proximity to the quarter and as i left, heard him call after me for the money.

at first i thought, if he wanted the quarter so badly he would have gone and picked it up. it was fair game. then the anxiety crept in. maybe i was just on a dateline episode and failed miserably at compassion. then i felt bad for assuming it was his loss for not getting off his ass and picking the quarter up himself. minor anxiety turned into large scale panic as i realized i was a horrible human.

it was decided that the next homeless person i saw, i would give them the quarter, ridding myself of the bad karma. turns out - homeless people are like pay phones or restrooms - when you need one, they arent around.

as my panic and frustration grew i finally threw the quarter onto the street, in hopes that i wouldnt be plagued by it anymore. im probably going to hell.

hard catholic

there will be blood

whoa

i love when old people have facespace. well, honestly - its weird, but ill make an exception because they do wonderful things like this.....

thats my brother on the left. cool enough for izod, not cool enough for pac-man.

success!

the raw food diet works! godfrey is eating his bloody meat patty without the aid of kibble. i dont think hes eating as much as hes supposed to yet - but he has no other options.

on another note, ive officially become a cat person. ive refrained from gushing about my sense of accomplishment and feelings of pride for godfrey on this diet. it could have gotten nauseating.

ive taken a turn for the worst. soon i will amass many cats and start preparing the raw food patties myself via homemade recipes. im sorry, ive been lost. theres no return. take it or leave it.

sexuality defines me