the tandem corporation

in the wind

2011-10-09T22:25:00.004-05:00

i'll check out the protests...
during the lunch break from my corporate office.
buying food with my pharmaceutical industry provided paycheck.
not having to budget for student loan payments.
unaware of the amount of taxes i pay.

i disgust myself.

im bringing blogging back

2011-03-04T15:27:00.003-06:00

Yea - I quit it. Blogging was starting to be too accurate a representation of the downward spiral my life was on. My concept for this blog was to share witty, anecdotal episodes from my life/the weird shit I think about. ORIGINAL IDEA - I KNOW!

Somewhere along the road next to the empty cigarette packs, discarded rum and coke glasses, failed relationships and broken legs – I lost sight of that.

WELL IM BACK BITCHES AND BETTER THAN EVER! (YTBD)

I’ve been on this kick of self improvement which has included:

a year off boys(ish)
buying furniture
seeking professional help
being cleanly(ish)
working on my fitness
working on my mind

Now that I’m at a place where I won’t just sound like a whiny bitch, I’ll get back to blogging.

oooh fuck

2010-06-23T22:40:00.001-05:00

sillyz

2010-06-21T09:04:00.004-05:00

while i understand my interest in justin bieber and silly bandz liken me to a tween gurl, i cant help it. what started off as an ironic interest into tween culture has developed into a full blown addiction.

i. love. justin. bieber. i have the fever. its not a joke anymore or something funny to put on the idock. i love his music so hard that im going to see him in concert in november. and ill most likely be crying along with the 11 year old im sure to be seated next to.

we will cry and hug each other in a non-creepy way. well probably even trade some silly bandz. of which, im also obsessed and probably no longer in a funny way.

i have contemplated every conceivable way i can obtain as many silly bandz as possible of each different type. i refuse to acknowledge fake silly bandz and am on the hunt for the illusive sea, beach and western packs. COME ON CHICAGO GET WITH IT!

im devolving really quickly. pretty soon ill start beaching on a hannah montana towel and wear those butterfly barrette clips in my hair.

keep + trap

2010-06-16T11:14:00.001-05:00

homaha

2010-06-14T13:21:00.005-05:00

i went somewhere in middle america this weekend for a friends wedding and lucked out by being there for my besties bday and my nephews bday party.

i was also a lucky duck bc the chick getting married went to columbia with me, so all my chi-town besties got to see o-town first hand.

it was fun showing them how we do in the heartland.

what i did realize, despite the wedding being the best ive ever been to and getting to see all my family at pump it up - i never want to have that real life. shits scary!

forcing awkward conversation with adults while children run in every direction - NAGL

being with the same person for the rest of my life - NAGL

even though, im secretly jealous of ppl in love and want that more than anything - NAGL x 1000

~@~

2010-06-08T10:07:00.004-05:00

along with the rest of chicago, i saw she & him last night. it felt nice to be outside with my friends enjoying the only three months chicago is actually fun. those three months are so much fun that it makes the other nine bearable.

after wine, cheese and trees, those cutsie little verses with the charming melodies started hitting me hard. ive been grappling with my state of affairs lately and that stupid little duo brought me back to a place; a specific week i was the happiest in my life. last night it just made me sad.

i know its juvenile to form opinions based on txt messages, but i do. everyone does it. as a droid - if i dont get what i want in 140-160 characters, ill find it in a she & him song.

@emma_says

2010-06-07T14:28:00.007-05:00

my life has turned into droiding through the week and living for the weekends.. the american dream i guess, broke and trying to find some semblance of a normal relationship.

and again, some great pics to show for it...

god bless america

2010-06-01T10:12:00.007-05:00

this might have been the best weekend of my life. filled with bbqs, beaches, beers and much needed rest. my relationship with chica blossomed through burning, aloe and glee. i didnt fall off a roof this weekend, which is more than i can say for last year.

unfortunately, i had too much fun yesterday to take many pictures as i lost a hoola-hoop competition to an 8 year old, danced with an 80 year old and conga lined through ravenswood club - the rest of the weekend can best be described through a few select images.

hes baaack

2010-05-27T08:32:00.004-05:00

godfrey returned to me last night. thank you hilwill for taking such good care of him... i owe her a vegan dinner. anyone know what/how to make a vegan dinner?

usually godfrey is a pretty stand off-ish cat. hes not the biggest when it comes to cuddling. however, probably bc he was scared and/or missed me so much, he slept with me alllll niiiight loooong. this in turn made it the best night ive had in a REALLY long time.

it was straight on cuddle fest 2010.

splat

2010-05-19T08:56:00.004-05:00

if sleeping on a couch between leases with all my possessions in storage and sending my baby to his vacation home werent enough, my life continues to fall apart.

eliminating unnecessary dramatics from this story, lets just make a list:

my identity was stolen, subsequently:
my chicago card was deactivated
i have to deal with CHASE BANK (hell on earth)
i funded someones drinking binge at joes liquor in cicero, il
i funded fuel ups at gas stations around the chicagoland area
my phone bill is due with no way to pay online
i cant purchase the next big app/music sensation on itunes
i have to use cash for EVERYTHING
im supposed to move with weekend, uhaul... do you accept personal checks?
my new card is arriving at my new address... hopefully USPS realizes i live there

i should take this as a hint to just fall off the fucking grid.

this is all

2010-05-14T15:22:00.002-05:00

thank g

2010-05-13T08:48:00.002-05:00

i found a new home. the north side was calling my name again and i needed to answer that call. ravenswood here i come!

im about to get into a lot of trouble with this one.... jesus take the wheel.

scum

2010-05-08T09:45:00.002-05:00

some d-bag hacked into my online accounts and read through all my messages/chats/emails. obviously this wasnt a scam and was done by a personal acquaintance who will not be named... give you three guesses.

i didnt so much have anything to hide as i prefer my personal information kept private and not to feel completely violated.

this is the interwebz equivalent to being robbed right? ive been digitally burgled.

plz

2010-04-24T11:03:00.005-05:00

"I want someone who will be monogamous, and nice to their mother. I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I'm watching ~~Lost~~ Gossip Girl. And I want someone who thinks being really into ~~cars~~ shoes is really lame, and thinks ~~strip clubs~~ gay bars are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the diswasher, and instead of just taking out forks as needed. Like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney Prince. And I want him to genuinely like me. Even when I'm old. And that's what I want."

- Liz Lemon

WHS 04

2010-04-16T09:53:00.004-05:00

i hung out with an old friend last night. i really needed that.

weve known each other since elementary school and as it stands, shes my oldest friend.

weve always lived in the same city, but dont get to see each other that often. i needed to feel like i was home again.

i understand why ppl say college and high school are some of the best years of your life - not the crazy great times you cant remember bc you were too drunk and/or awkward, but being naive. if i could go back to knowing nothing and feeling like i knew everything - book my ticket.

even though i know more now but feel like i know nothing, it was nice to go back for one night.

im in l

2010-04-13T18:09:00.003-05:00

he rests his head on my chest, nuzzling in. i run my fingers through his hair as we stare into each others eyes. he kisses my nose and i snuggle in. we lay there, softly vibrating together.

this is what love is supposed to feel like. this is what love is supposed to be. just me and my cat.

fuck it

2010-04-01T21:57:00.004-05:00

so, things havent been the best lately and i have such a hard time getting the energy to make anything different happen.

ok - sure i can get caught up in how awful my life is while realizing that only i can make it better and getting down on myself not knowing how and realizing that i just have to do it and feeling burdened by the actuality of doing something and the stupid cycle goes on and on and on.

tonight though, i decided. whenever i start to feel shitty about my situation, im going to let someone in my life know how happy/proud/inspired i am by them. sort of a pay-it-forward kind of thing.

i believe this will selfishly make me feel like a good person while selflessly making someone else feel special. maybe it will turn into motivation....

lets see how this goes... and look out for some messages friends.

wrud?

2010-03-29T09:28:00.006-05:00

things are happening so fast i feel suffocated by change. i prefer to be in control and drive the direction, so this feeling of being swooped along doesnt sit well.

the perspective i have on things is similar to a cars side view mirror. things of less importance are larger than they appear and all those significant moments are lost in my blind spot.

let me get this straight - im supposed to drone through my days, weeks, months and be rewarded by other peoples "monumental" events, 24 shared pictures on facebook and a business card?

im sick of trying to fill out this sheet of paper i need to look good on. its really fucking hard and i thought we were supposed to move towards becoming a paperless society.

welp

2010-03-18T15:07:00.003-05:00

here we go again....

layoffs. i was affected.

in reality, this is the best thing that could have happened. i hated that place. like, a lot.

i've been taking baby steps to a better person for a while now, this was just the kick in the pants i needed to go full throttle.

this economy isnt getting me down motha fucka i gotz shit lined UP!

in the mean time - who wants to hang out? i have a lot of free time and i dont do well with that. if youre interested in making bad decisions and laughing at consequences - call me!

corporate $$

2010-02-01T14:56:00.004-06:00

my werk email has been down for the last six and a half hours. i have two hours of work to go. i have successfully made a full days pay blatantly tweeting, txting, facebooking, gchatting and web surfing.

... that's pretty much what i get paid to do usually, just not so obviously.

bus-ted love

2010-01-25T18:38:00.007-06:00

i caught my bus girlfriend fixing her hair and smiling when i stepped on today. usually when i can tell someones excited to see me, it turns me off and i want nothing to do with them. but she gave me butterflies.

through numerous conversations i realize that just about everyone has a bus/train bf/gf. theres a lady with a lad on the 66, a ghey with a mo on the 36 and me on the 72. i have two. one of each sex.

theres a strong possibility i would go str8 for my bus gf. shes tall and pretty while slightly nerdy. i can tell she has interesting thoughts and is thoughtful herself. basically shes a babe with a heart and who wouldnt be all over that? and she loves me. she holds her books just so i can see what shes reading and be impressed. i try to look extra macho to keep this fantasy alive as well.

today i was sitting in the back on the second level, right next to the exit doors. she gets off at western and for half a block was standing directly in front of me. while we faced each other she couldnt contain her smile and had to look away. it was the cutest. darn. thing. ive. ever. seen.

partially i feel bad that she doesnt realize i like boys, but at the same time - if i can bring a little joy to her morning commute and her mine, what's the harm?

my bus boyfriend is a little different. hes a 30-something business man who slightly resembles superman. if he realizes im alive, its bc hes caught me oogling him while i drool. its impossible for me to casually glance at him once or twice, for some reason i have to blatantly stare at him from when he gets on at wood to off at the redline... or visa versa, bc i am lucky enough to ride to and from with him.

if only my bus girlfriend knew....

now

2010-01-04T21:10:00.004-06:00

i got what i wanted. i wanted to feel real again for the first time since i dated her.

we got what we wanted. we wanted to switch places and learn as much as we could.

ill take his advice and push my hair back a little more. ill go out with my friends and tell them, 'you were right'. ill stop pretending and find the beauty in vulnerability. ill stop looking.

ill begin to work on myself for the first time since i dated her.

ill begin to be the person he knew i could be.

hopefully ill stop being such a fucking emo creep.

01022010

2010-01-02T17:24:00.000-06:00

coal

2009-12-23T11:21:00.005-06:00

i accidentally opened all my christmas presents already.

none from friends came wrapped, so that wasnt hard.

my sister sent me presents that i opened last week. i opened these bc half were for my ex boo. my sisters sweet, but sorta awkward.

after months of not talking to my mother, i got an email not so out of the blue. it simply said 'i sent a package to you. it should arrive before christmas. look out for it.'

i got the package this week. i was going to hold off on opening them until christmas eve (when my family traditionally opens gifts) bc only one present was for my ex boo.

this wasnt as awkward coming from my mother as it was from my sister. my sister asked if itd be appropriate to send those gifts, i told her to do whatever she wants. my mother was just trying to be nice.

my mother tried really hard with her presents. she got me some clothes ill probably actually wear and a collection of short stories by one of my fave authors.

i also got a tiny envelope with a pencil, matches, note cards and blue paper. the instructions describe writing a wish, configure the papers together and lighting them to carry your wishes away in a spark of blue fire.

i wish she hadnt been the bigger person.

i wish i would have purchased even one christmas present this year.

i wish i wasnt such a jerk.

holidaze

2009-12-17T10:14:00.004-06:00

my team at work is donating $$ to the chicago house to help those lil nuggets go ice skating... were very giving.

the team is also taking a trip to the christkindlmarket for a special treat. in all the years ive been in chicago and all the years of my german heritage, ive never been. ive already been told i cannot drink any glog since well be there during werk hours. whatevz.

whenever anyone refers to our special outing (to take place tomorrow afternoon) they call it the christkindlmarket instead of just the christmas village. this really gets under my skin.

forgotten gem... sweater

2009-12-16T16:52:00.001-06:00

forgotten jem

2009-12-15T10:32:00.001-06:00

forgotten gem

2009-12-14T21:41:00.000-06:00

long duck dong

2009-12-11T09:42:00.004-06:00

ive made some new friends. i dont know their names bc we havent reached that point in our relationship yet and bc i havent read their name tags.

the ladies at the chinese place in the food court of work know me. that probably means i go there too often. whenever i get in line we have a nod of recognition and awkward grunts with smiles supposedly meaning 'how are you doing?' 'i'm fine'.

granted, they dont know my order yet so we mustnt be the best of friends... but at least they try and give me the same wrong thing each time. thats sayin something.

its cold in here

2009-12-07T11:02:00.007-06:00

man-o-man... judging from my posts the last half of this year, youd think i was a real emo kid. that could be partially true.

but now things are getting real emo. my roommates mom is really sick, which doesnt lend itself to a carefree environment. kellys probably my best friend so think of her mom plz.

this first snow hasnt had a pleasant effect on me either. instead, it has made me feel cold, isolated and lonely. i h8 winter. its ghey.

ive also come to realize i dont have enough sad lonely women on my ipod, so i cant even listen to music that reflects my mood.

and ive failed miserably with this months book club selection.

and blogging at work effs up my formatting...... grrrr

baby daddy

2009-11-20T12:09:00.004-06:00

why do people put pics of their kids on the background of their computer? i understand that youre proud and you made them and theyre the fruit of your loins, but i dont need to see your children bathing when i walk by. gimmie some breaks.

i dont think id even put a pic of a boo on my computer. leave it at home! then again, whenever anyone sees any of the backgrounds on my computer they give me strange looks and ask what compelled me to put it up. maybe im just too "artsy" for corporate america.

my captain planet pic on the weekly team meeting agenda was also met with some blank stares.

lolcatz

2009-11-18T16:45:00.005-06:00

ive made a few changes as-of-late. mostly for the better.

i grew up a little and removed myself from the family plan. i now am a proud owner of an iphone. this has increased my connectedness to the internetz and textz while decreasing my checkbook and the amount of time i spend with real ppl. i do however, think im in love with it.

ive also joined a book club. one that actually meets and actually reads books i might get something out of. were also a music club. our title is aptly words & rhymes. im pretty pumped to read, listen and meet new people. maybe thatll make up for the fact im constantly on my phone now. theres something more beneficial to interacting with people on an intellectual level rather than getting drunk at a bar. maybe its just me and the people i surround myself with, but i havent gotten much of that since college.

recently ive decided that im going to go out to dinner every weekend. not just taco bell and bk lounge, but a nice, sit down dinner at a byob place with some of my closest girlfriends. i did this last weekend and the conversation and company was so much more fulfilling than when we later went to a party/bar.

i be loving life again. now that im back in the world after my fall from grace, i think things are looking up.

<

2009-11-05T21:38:00.006-06:00

i want to see my world in pictures
i want my thoughts to ramble into something beautiful
i want to be a pop star
i want to know what i want when i grow up
i want a make over
i want to be respected
i want an iphone already
i want to accomplish something monumental
i want another cat
i want to know
i want to learn
i want to read more
i want to eat better
i want to smoke more
i want the glamor of drinking without the effect
i want a five year plan
i want a ten year plan
i want to feel like i have something to say
i want people to want to listen to what i have to say
i want something to say
i want the american dream
i want the american nightmare
i want to be unique
i want to be loved
i want my mom to apologize
i want to be a cool kid
i want to be admired
i want to admire
i want to know shit about shit
i want chocolate soy milk

happy halloweeeeeeeen!!

2009-10-31T21:45:00.000-05:00

snooze fest

2009-10-18T22:41:00.002-05:00

i wanted to blog... and have sat here for five minutes trying to think of something clever, witty or somewhat entertaining.

ive got nothing.

my life has gotten sooooooo boring. actually, only boring people get bored.

ive gotten sooooooo boring.

capitalist

2009-10-08T11:22:00.003-05:00

ive gotten into this awful habit of buying. now that ive graduated into real person job status, i have also graduated into real person job habits.

when im bored, i go to the nearest place i can spend money. when im upset, i go to the nearest place i can spend money.

so far, ive been able to justify most of the purchases ive made as necessities. that wont last long. its also a lie.

what is it about money that makes you feel like you have to spend it? why cant i be one of those people who gets a thrill from saving money? spending doesnt even give me much of a thrill bc i have so much remorse after my purchase anyway.

turns out i was never better than consumerism. i was just broke.

boo

2009-09-30T16:48:00.003-05:00

costumes excite me. so does the candy. the fact its my birthday is SUPER exciting. but what im most excited about for halloween, is the cubicle decoration contest at work.

vasectomy

2009-09-29T18:03:00.003-05:00

when i got home today bowie screamed until i took him outside even though he pooped in the house. once i got back inside i had to feed him and put special food on top of his normal food so hed eat it. then rosie stared at me until i fed her and pushed me out of the way before i was finished, even though there'd been food sitting in the bowl all day. fatty. then i gave them all water, except i had to leave the sink running because godfrey only drinks from the tap.

i still have to pee, eat and take my effing coat off. children are too demanding.

snapped

2009-09-27T17:52:00.003-05:00

ive always hated fuzzy things. i equate plush with caucasian waste. a double wide that reeks of stale cigarette smoke inevitably will have a white plush blanket incrusted with cheetos.

on christmas day 2008 i received a pair of plush pajama pants. luckily, this was during the time i was unemployed so i wore them for three months straight. i took them off to shower and none-to-often to wash. i so easily jumped on the crazy train.

lately, ive been on this kick to make my bed the most comfortable thing in the world. i got a plush body pillow. ive been morally apposed to those for years. something snapped and i decided i needed it. i named it body lux. hes my new boyfriend.

this weekend i took the plunge. i bought a plush blanket with fo-suede trim. its baby blue. it should have a playboy bunny embroidered in the center like a crest.

i dont know how i convinced myself these gifts and purchases were acceptable. its a downward spiral that i got on and went down fast.

i ate garden salsa sun chips in bed today. theres an orange stain on the edge of my plush blanket.

WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!!!??

just a thought

2009-09-16T14:52:00.002-05:00

what happens when i get a bill for my broken tibia?

when i broke it i didnt really have a job and i definitely didnt have insurance... does that count as payment?

will obama save me from paying? will the hospitals be overwhelmed with new procedures and paperwork to notice my little bill?

did i fall between buildings at the perfect time to fall between the cracks?

bummed

2009-09-05T15:39:00.003-05:00

its really strange to go out now. seeing people for the first time since i broke my tibia is even stranger.

last night it felt like alllll i talked about was my leg and trying to find non-awkward ways to make light of the fact i could have died and quickly change the subject.

i dont feel better. i havent recovered. i think about walking every time i do.

i dont feel like the same person but i dont feel like a new person. i feel stuck in limbo, completely controlled by an event that took two seconds.

two seconds changed my life.

two seconds consumes me.

i want them back.

is this racist?

2009-09-01T15:44:00.002-05:00

it seems at every job i have, i inevitably smoke more cigarettes throughout the day the longer i hold the position.

it seems at every job i have, there are people who smoke on the same schedule i do.

it seems at every job i have, there is always an old indian man who smokes on the same schedule i do.

it seems at every job i have, this indian man just stands outside all day chain smoking.

it seems at every job i have, the last statement is proven true at some point.

it seems at this job i have, today i saw the indian man light a new cigarette with his old one.

werkin

2009-08-28T16:04:00.003-05:00

i coordinate pharmaceutical programs. glamorous, i know.

today i was talking to this lady at a japanese steakhouse and she said, 'you sound young to be doing business.'

....apparently my balls havent dropped.

baby boyfriend

2009-08-24T22:13:00.003-05:00

two years ago today, the love of my life came into this world.

godfrey srsly makes me the happiest person in the world.

he got a special dinner, some treats and a new toy today. hes also torn apart the house and broken some glasses. he knows hes special today. and its ok.

imagine

2009-08-12T22:17:00.001-05:00

obsessed?

2009-08-10T22:10:00.004-05:00

contrary to popular belief, i dated girls once. my ginger ex was in town this weekend. she mentioned i might be crazy.

crazy in respect to my cat.

sure, i got his face tattooed on my body 4ever and i call him my baby boyfriend. but doesnt everybody love their pets? to some extreme? its not that weird i got him tattooed. its not like, 'man, i used to love tweety bird, but now my interests have matured and i feel stupid for having him tattooed on the middle of my lower back.' ill love godfrey for a lifetime.

he might not be the sweetest cat. and he might not show any affection. he might even ruin my roommates couch - but he makes me happy.

i dont believe in crazy cat people. they just have a lot of love to give.

keeper

2009-08-03T21:01:00.002-05:00

this is what took care of me throughout my recovery.

he waited on me hand and broken foot. i think i appreciated it.

hes an ok guy.

milk

2009-07-30T18:35:00.004-05:00

i had my first team meeting at work today.

my team was nice enough to get a cookie cake that said 'welcome drew'.

i was in charge of cutting said cookie cake.

when i finished cutting it, i wiped the excess frosting onto the box.

a gasp broke out among the team.

who knew frosting was such a big deal?

so it is

2009-07-26T18:15:00.005-05:00

tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. for the time being.

i start a new job tomorrow - well see where this goes.

in other news - i think i partook in a hippie, communal, jam, party fest this weekend. thank god brads roommate built a yurt. i dont know how i would have gotten my fix of folksy, snug, geometrically perfect party time in the city.

new

2009-07-18T16:17:00.004-05:00

because ill love him 4eva and money never last$

move bitch

2009-07-15T20:00:00.004-05:00

i have a homie walk. or a g stride. maybe i'm str8 thuggin it. whichever you chose, this boot makes me limp like the people wearing baggy sweatpants and the reeboks with the straps.

do people look at me now and say, 'what a bad ass' or 'im afraid of him' in the same way they do others with my stride? those that choose to walk with a limp and a slide - did their mothers strap a walking boot on them as toddlers?

i might keep this walk when im healed to solidify my street cred.

fave

2009-07-12T13:13:00.000-05:00

4life

2009-07-03T09:56:00.003-05:00

i broke my tibia and all i got was a scar and a metal rod... and a walking boot for a month.

at least i still get to ride the carts at target.

beginnings?

2009-07-01T20:03:00.004-05:00

i have a doctor appt tomorrow. they don't tell me much - but i think im getting this shit off. maybe ill have a walking boot? they told me it would be over in six weeks and six weeks its been. i can tell because my leg is reallllly skinny.

ive gotten used to sitting around the house. tv is my new bff. what am i going to do with this new found freedom?!! i dont think im going to drink much. that will not be on the list.

i think ill clean my apt. then i will dance. i will dance like youve never seen anyone dance before. i will break records for dancing. i will tear through floors with my mad moves. i will rain sweat from my body in honor of the dance. if there is a dance party, i! will! find! it! i will make mass street choreographed dances a reality! I WILL DANCE!

am i the only one who remembers this?!!

2009-06-27T17:02:00.001-05:00

reading list

2009-06-23T22:25:00.002-05:00

its time to start a book club. i think this should be the summer of salinger. i want to re-read all i have and read the ones i havent. i want to discuss them while drinking sangria in the afternoon and scotch at night. possibly throw a cigar in the mix.

there is something about him that makes me feel electric, creative and invincible. im gay. but whos with me?

chim and hilary - i feel like you might be down. hopefully i wont want to kill john lennon.

what the what?

2009-06-22T19:19:00.002-05:00

when youre broken, people think they can talk to you. always. anywhere.

today i was riding the elevator down from the train and this lady asked me about my leg. all the usual questions, what happened? is it broken? how long will you be like this? i usually just answer all forthcoming questions after the first to save time and hopefully prove to them i dont want to be bothered. youd think that attempting to maneuver around chicago and the outlying suburbs would be enough of a clue im not up for chit chat.

the lady mentioned that my leg would hurt whenever it was cold or raining. to prove her knowledge correct, she began to tell me why she personally has this problem. with her seven year old daughter by her side she said she broke four toes. she did this by kicking her ex-husband 'in the privates'. another man asked how you break four toes kicking someone in the dick and she said after she kicked him once, she just kept kicking.

excuse me?!!

she said all this with a half retarded smile on her face.

the "sprain"

2009-06-18T19:14:00.004-05:00

remember when casey kasem came to the max for a dance-a-thon and everyone from bayside was determined to win?

more importantly, remember that lisa turtle sprained her ankle and they created the winning dance move called the turtle?

i need to rock that move.

and if you can find a rocking clip of that online ill love you foreva.

UPDATE

thanks kate

big

2009-06-11T20:03:00.003-05:00

this is my third week of being cooped up... i think. ive had a lot of time now to watch/read things and reflect.

last night i watched big fish. the movie obviously makes mention of being around to do big things. im starting to think im around to do big things.

i didnt die. and im not paralyzed. im going to walk away from this (literally) without any repercussions. thats kind of major. i was thinking - things havent been difficult for me. ive gotten to this point in my life with minimal crisis and im doing better than most. but - i can do better.

without god or whatever, this happened for a reason and its to show me that i can do more than i am. i am better than the job i kind of have and im better than the lifestyle im kind of living. i need to jump into that bigger pond and do something with my life.

i just need to figure out what that is..... maybe ill figure that out in the next half of this detour.

to do:

2009-06-07T22:53:00.005-05:00

i would like to accomplish these things once my leg has healed...

- walk
- walk down the street
- shower. by myself
- visit friends at their homes
- dance
- go out to dinner
- go to a party (and not drink (a lot))
- ride my bike
- dance
- take bowie on a walk
- chase godfrey to cuddle
- clean my apt
- take out the garbage
- check the mail
- go see the hangover and up
- dance
- dance
- dance
- go grocery shopping
- go shopping
- carry things
- dance

tibia

2009-06-06T23:54:00.003-05:00

it feels like theres a metal rod in my leg replacing my bone. oh - there is.

this morning it hurt more than usual, i suspected it was bc of the weather. will my leg expand and creak every time it rains now? at the ripe old age of 23, will the words uttered by ancient people spill from my lips?

the hardest thing about being immobile - next to seeing every tv show available - is going to bed. you would think that laying around all day, my leg would find a comfy zone. or that the pain would stay strong throughout the day. nope. once i lay down to slumber it decides to get uncomfortable. no matter how i position it - pain. there are about three different positions i can try. my leg completely extended, bent at the knee and strategically placed so as to lay on my side. none of these work.

ive even stopped taking my pain meds during the day and only take it at night in hopes ill knock myself out pain free. nope.

i have a new appreciation for pain free mobility.

im back

2009-06-02T14:00:00.003-05:00

sort of.

im back in chicago. my parents didnt want to care for me in the first place and were scheming to send me back. i gave them a reason in the form of breaking things. besides my tibia.

ive come to find out that the family ive created for myself of friends is better than the family god gave me. besides my sister. shell always be awesome.

my family thinks im a spoiled, ungrateful brat and they use that as justification to look past the changes and growth in me. as well as an excuse not to care about me getting better.

my friends have been a huge support because they realize im not a waste of space and know there are special things about me. theyve been supportive no matter what - especially now while i recover. i dont think i would trade any of them for anything. theyre magical.

i love the family i chose for myself.

oops

2009-05-30T16:00:00.003-05:00

i broke my tibia. i fell off my balcony. apparently everything bad ive ever done finally caught up with me. falling three stories and landing on a fence probably should have killed/paralyzed me. thats what everyones been telling me.

maybe its too fresh - but im probably supposed to gain wisdom and perspective from this. i havent. i could say, 'ive found who truly cares about me and the friends that are real.' the truth is - i could have predicted how everyone reacted. there werent any surprises.

ill probably drink less and not fall off balconies after this, but beyond that - it hasnt given me a clearer perspective on my life. after three more weeks of gimping around i might tell a different story.

and hopin'

2009-05-20T17:54:00.005-05:00

not that im especially superstitious, but i always wish on eye lashes, stars and the clock. while thats not terribly superstitious - the anxiety i get from these activities would say otherwise.

maybe its wrong, but i wish any time the clock has the same numbers all the way across. this includes 1:11 and such. some say that doesnt count and you can only wish at times like 11:11. false. i also have to repeat the wish verbally the number of times the clock shows. twice for 2:22, twelve times for 12:12. if i dont make it - the wish will not come true. i also have to blow a kiss after wishing at every clock i see that reads the time. hence the anxiety. its an effing process to make my dreams come true.

eyelashes are slightly easier - but i also cheat to myself. traditionally, i would need to close the eyelash between my thumb and pointer finger while guessing which finger it will end up on when i pull them apart. if i get this wrong - wish is over, no good. however, if i get it right i can continue. i then make a wish, and blow it off my finger. if it does not blow off - wish is over, no good. if it does, my dreams will come true. i havent been doing the first step recently and i believe thats been detrimental. hence, my anxiety - but also, that whole process is anxiety ridden.

i should just stick to birthday candles. anxiety once a year.

im going down

2009-05-16T22:15:00.003-05:00

in true train wreck fashion, my weekend was a hot mess.

it all started innocently enough with a family dinner at mi tierra. once you add the live mariachi band, four pitchers of margaritas, a personalized sombrero and a sparkler cup cake - things get tainted.

if that experience wasnt enough for me, next i trotted over to uncle fattys. i was unaware this place existed and i wish i still was. it was repeatedly referred to as my new haircut. true.

after drinking that away, i stumble home to find an entire band at my apt. granted - they were probably 17 years old and mormon.

all in all it was pretty difficult to wake up for a graduation today.

oh, and i found this online.... when my friend turned this in the teacher asked if i was on drugs. nope. thats just me at 20.

lame-o

2009-05-11T21:16:00.005-05:00

as of late, my life has been uninteresting. i take that back. its really interesting, in an uninteresting way.

settling in with new roommates is always fun. learning anything and everything about each other while getting obliterated is something i do best. but im starting to get bored. or at least, im ready for an adventure.

well, ive had plenty of adventures this weekend - but i guess my summer craving has been peaked and now im on the look out for more. how can you beat a weekend of fun dipping, art showing, party crashing, never-have-i-evering, crush awkwarding and bk lounging? you really cant. im a firm believer that all of the above are what life is about.

gimmie more. soon. now. fast.

oh yea, and theres this new lady in my life...

happy mom day

2009-05-10T12:13:00.003-05:00

the weekends are destroying me. my mother would be disappointed.

maybe ill look into philanthropic efforts today, in honor of mothering.

maybe ill just eat burger king and watch tv.

all in the family

2009-05-06T22:31:00.003-05:00

im a father of three now. godfrey is learning how to share. he doesnt do that well.

what he does do well is rape. he attempts rape on rosie about 5x a day. its pretty hott. rosies starting to like it though, i caught her sniffing his butt and licking him. theres love in this apt - that means its good.

godfreys step-brother bowie might be my new bff. i love him.

i have internet kinda

2009-05-05T20:23:00.003-05:00

i feel like an addict finally getting my fix.

today i was waiting for the bus after a day that was too long. these girls who were no older (generously) than 16 were waiting at the same stop.

one of the girls was having a phone conversation and all i heard was 'it couldnt be your baby. she slept with him a week and a half ago.' prior to this, she was asking the boy on the other line about the girls menstrual cycle, acting as an expert on when and how a girl can get pregnant. judging by the information she was spouting, she is going to get pregnant very soon.

now, this whole situation was shocking, but what was even more shocking - the sexperts two friends were nonchalantly listening to this conversation unfold. at one point, one turns to the other and says, 'im really horny'.

i 'bout lost it.

for kim

2009-04-24T18:48:00.003-05:00

today at work i had to call doctors. naturally, this would scare you right?

most places where doctors work have, basically, the exact same messaging system to filter calls. they all start with 'if you are experience a medical emergency, hang up and call 911' one of them said, 'if you're experiencing a true medical emergency call ###-####'. i dont know, if i was experiencing a medical emergency, i probably wouldnt have the brain capacity or bodily capacity to remember/write down a seven digit number.

my favorite places are the ones who have music playing while they put me on hold. not elevator music, but radio stations of classic rock, light rock, or oldies. i think there was something wrong with some states radio/my phone because it would be playing a song and all of a sudden this death voice would replace the pop singer and finish the lyrics. i likened it to the voice of the scream guy.

my favorite one was the marvin gaye song whats going on when marvin sang 'mother mother theres too many of you crying' followed by the grim reaper singing, 'brother brother brother theres too many of you dying'.

minimalist

2009-04-20T13:57:00.003-05:00

i started packing my life up today. i always knew i didnt have a lot of stuff, but now im realizing i really dont have a lot of stuff. i think im basically done, minus a few odds and ends and some more clothing, but i've only filled up three boxes and five bags of clothes.

maybe instead of moving into an apt, i should buy an rv and live out of that.

they are fighting

2009-04-14T00:28:00.003-05:00

why are zombies cool? i thought that fad came and left already, but it feels like it lingers. or maybe its more like a trend instead of a fad. can zombies be a trend? maybe theyre classic. i dont really like zombies.

i probably respect people less if they a) talk about zombies, b) theorize about zombies, c) joke about zombies, d) suggest i watch a movie about zombies or e) are a zombie.

i dont find anything appealing about them. i dont think theyre funny or relevant. i cant even think of any more things to criticize about them, thats how lame they are.

christ has risen

2009-04-12T15:25:00.001-05:00

holla

2009-04-08T22:33:00.001-05:00

all the single ladies

2009-04-08T20:28:00.003-05:00

i got a divorce. im looking to experiment with girls.

take a number and give me your measurements. ill treat you badly, fuck you madly and wont make you breakfast.

here i come

2009-04-06T22:44:00.005-05:00

the time has come to move off the grid. or, for the majority of people i know - smack dab in the middle of it.

thats right folks. im moving to the west side in may. no more simplicity of the north.

i will frolic among the hipsters and glide through the bicycles. i will enter into the bubble that prevents people from ever leaving. im excited.

the apt is pretty bomb. there will be a warming. so you betta come.

gold

2009-04-05T02:42:00.000-05:00

two things

2009-04-03T18:18:00.002-05:00

after a cig break at work today, i almost ran into an old man. he was shuffling in place, not moving. as i went through the door into the building i looked back after him. he continued shuffling in place and then started walking at a normal pace. he was just warming up.

secondly, i was on the train going home and i looked out the window at one stop to see a man wearing sweatpants. he kept these sweatpants up by pulling the waste cord at the front of the pants up around his neck. so he kind of had a sweatpant necklace or sweatpant halter depending on how you looked at it.

ch-ch-changes

2009-03-29T13:50:00.003-05:00

why do things have to change? why dont i like change? i wish i could go back to being 17. that was a really good time. i didnt have responsibilities and everything seemed to be at my fingertips.

now things are changing, probably for the better... but i dont feel that sense of hope i did when i was 17. now all change feels daunting and the unknown freaks me the eff out. if things could just be constant and stable for a good six months, i would probably feel ok.

my college's motto was create change. uh.... ok. sure. i think if i was creating it, id feel better about it. but the truth is, the change is creating me. that doesnt sit well.

appease

2009-03-24T22:46:00.003-05:00

im really into party questions and games. they might be taken as at the expense of someone else, but theyre really not. im not trying to make people uncomfortable, well, ok - im trying to make people uncomfortable. but its all in good fun!

the questions can be construed as offensive and the conversation is usually putting people on the spot. but if people want to earn my respect, they should play along. i love it when people "get it". what i dont love is when people dont "get it".

example: this weekend i asked what the % or fine line between gay and deaf was.

its not that hard. take what im saying at face value and appease me by playing along. keep the joke going. up the ante. you FAIL if you stare at me like im an idiot and act like the questions are beneath you. i cant help it if you dont understand. the questions are actually highly developed and by answering them youll show personality and wit. duh.

get with it people.

omgz..

2009-03-21T17:56:00.002-05:00

cause i need more...

dream

2009-03-17T13:29:00.000-05:00

can i do this for a job?

happy st. pat's day

2009-03-17T13:28:00.001-05:00

toot?

2009-03-16T17:11:00.003-05:00

im not too into bragging, but i might be the best boyfriend ever?

brad's grandpa died recently and apparently he was kind of famous. i used my pr skills and made a few phone calls. i got them to make a copy of the interview recording and send it my way.

that earned a few points with his family, right?

8.1%

2009-03-13T00:08:00.005-05:00

im a statistic now. more than i was before. today i filed for unemployment.

maybe my parents shouldnt have aided in supporting me and abetted me through a sense of obligation. i stopped living off daddy warbucks awhile ago and now ive switched to uncle sam.

daddy warbucks pays better.

this is a humbling experience. it makes me want money. ive probably wanted money before, but thought i was above it or something. hell-effin-NO. i want that shit now. give me money. give me all the money i can take.

im taking applications for a non-sexual sugar daddy. im also taking applications for cooking me dinner.

inquire within.

crime!

2009-03-09T22:46:00.004-05:00

long story short - in rock city this weekend, some douche tried to choke me. little did he know, YOU DONT FUCK WITH ME! i won.

on a lighter note - saw sic alps in evanston tonight. it was sic...... alps. i want to reside in that venue.

crime?

2009-03-05T17:04:00.004-06:00

i typically hate 3:30 in my neighborhood because of the high school. i now understand what grown ups always meant when they said large groups of teenagers made them uncomfortable. they make me uncomfortable.

today wasnt exactly like that - but i thought id throw it in.

brad and i were walking home around this time today and a group of high school boys jovially made a comment about gay lovers as they passed us. in reaction, i put my arm around brads waist and smiled at them over my shoulder. it got a rise out of them.

upon further discussion, i wondered how hateful their comments were, or if they were light hearted. i suppose it doesnt matter if it doesnt offend me. if you laugh back/with them, can it be demeaning?

a happening

2009-03-03T19:28:00.004-06:00

brad's showing in detroit this weekend. everyone whos cool will be there.

are you cool?

repent

2009-02-26T18:49:00.005-06:00

the other day i was downtown with a friend. while walking, i saw the shiny glint of laundry money. i bent down to swipe it up and continued going. from the corner of my eye i saw a homeless man sitting in close proximity to the quarter and as i left, heard him call after me for the money.

at first i thought, if he wanted the quarter so badly he would have gone and picked it up. it was fair game. then the anxiety crept in. maybe i was just on a dateline episode and failed miserably at compassion. then i felt bad for assuming it was his loss for not getting off his ass and picking the quarter up himself. minor anxiety turned into large scale panic as i realized i was a horrible human.

it was decided that the next homeless person i saw, i would give them the quarter, ridding myself of the bad karma. turns out - homeless people are like pay phones or restrooms - when you need one, they arent around.

as my panic and frustration grew i finally threw the quarter onto the street, in hopes that i wouldnt be plagued by it anymore. im probably going to hell.

hard catholic

2009-02-25T23:00:00.002-06:00

there will be blood

2009-02-25T18:08:00.002-06:00

whoa

2009-02-23T20:29:00.003-06:00

i love when old people have facespace. well, honestly - its weird, but ill make an exception because they do wonderful things like this.....

thats my brother on the left. cool enough for izod, not cool enough for pac-man.

success!

2009-02-23T11:18:00.004-06:00

the raw food diet works! godfrey is eating his bloody meat patty without the aid of kibble. i dont think hes eating as much as hes supposed to yet - but he has no other options.

on another note, ive officially become a cat person. ive refrained from gushing about my sense of accomplishment and feelings of pride for godfrey on this diet. it could have gotten nauseating.

ive taken a turn for the worst. soon i will amass many cats and start preparing the raw food patties myself via homemade recipes. im sorry, ive been lost. theres no return. take it or leave it.

sexuality defines me

2009-02-22T18:22:00.001-06:00

fan club

2009-02-21T22:01:00.006-06:00

theres h8 in someones heart. i wasnt the primary target - but i was in there. and i might have perpetuated it a little.

this girl ive met twice and thought was a decent human turned out to be crazy. apparently she hates brad and me enough to de-friend us on facespace and blog about the hatred. granted, i didnt realize this until someone mentioned she blogged and i went to make fun of it, only to find she had erased me from her life and publicly stated her distain.

but - the fact she isnt really on my radar, yet put so much effort into hating me - that makes me cool right?

i guess i am writing a blog about her... damn.

why i read

2009-02-20T20:11:00.001-06:00

raw

2009-02-18T21:01:00.004-06:00

so far, switching godfrey to raw food has been a big FAIL.

i attempted to follow the transition directions, but he only likes treats if theyre, well - a treat. he doesnt want anything to do with it. ive even tried mixing it with his other food to trick him. at this point, hes so hungry, when he sees me giving him more food he rushes to the bowl. only to sniff it for a second, stare resentfully at me and walk away. without eating.

doesnt he know i have his best interest in mind?! i want him to be healthy and pretty. the fact that hell be calmer and want to cuddle more is just a bonus..

he has become slightly more docile. though, its probably because hes starving and has no energy.

riddle

2009-02-17T20:49:00.002-06:00

what has two arms, two legs, two heads, a bad attitude and no future?

i need a life

2009-02-16T23:12:00.004-06:00

this weekend i got too drunk. i talked to a lot of new people, some i liked and some i didnt... but i was too drunk for it. i'm stupid.

this weekend i celebrated valentine's day. that was fun. actually, it was really good - but ill save the gory details.

this weekend i got drunk again. it wasnt my fault. brad and i found a bar where the bartender always wants to give us free drinks. so we keep going back. still - it was stupid.

this weekend i started godfrey on a raw food diet. probably not stupid.